This Is How My Mother-In-Law Mentally Tortured Me Post Marriage
I come from a middle class family with my mother as a homemaker and father as a public sector employee. Having said this, my parents have always given utmost importance to my education, thereby making me financially independent.
I am an engineer and a banker who earns well, and can take good care of herself as well as her husband. I have excelled professionally in a short span of time, that’s because I am a career oriented woman.
I had an arranged marriage 9 months back and I have been through hell. My husband is a wonderful person and I love him a lot. It’s like I have found my soulmate. Sadly, I cannot say this about my in-laws.
My mother-in-law started to have problems right from our courtship period. She used to call me and tell me that I shouldn't spend too much time with her son.Share this quote
She used to have a problem with the way I looked and suggested some creams, homemade recipes that her daughter uses. I mean, her family had approved of me only after meeting me physically, how come she didn’t have any problem with the way I looked back then?
I initially ignored all this and never complained to my husband. We got married. My husband and I work in private sector companies, so we hardly got leaves for our wedding. She didn’t have any problem with her son resuming work, but she had a problem with me doing so. She has 3 full-time maids to help her with the household chores of a 3 BHK flat and I don’t know how that didn't suffice.
I didn’t know how to cook and I very clearly disclosed this to my in-laws before the wedding and they were perfectly fine with it and said, “bhagwaan ka diya sab kuch hai humare paaas!”Share this quote
Slowly she started complaining that I came home late from work, even though my husband did not have any problem with it. After my marriage, commute from my in-laws' home to my workplace had become difficult, travelling for 1 hour 30 minutes in crowded local trains of Mumbai had taken a toll on my health. On top of that, my mother-in-law had a problem when I came home after a tiring day and headed straight to my bedroom to rest for a while.
I remember the days when I used to go to bed hungry just because my mother-in-law would not cook anything, because her husband, her son and daughter ate outside. At that time, I realised that cooking is a life skill and everybody irrespective of gender should know it. I used to be the first one to wake up in the morning and leave for work.
My mother-in-law would wake up at 11 AM. But yet, I did not have any right to get an extra hour of sleep on Sundays. No matter how many maids my mother-in-law had, how many times I cleaned the house, the house got messy within an hour. Then again the cycle of complaints that I didn’t cook and didn’t clean the house well.
She complained that I visited my parents too frequently. My sister in law’s wedding was finalised just 3 months after our wedding and getting a leave from office was quite difficult, especially when I was just back from my own wedding leave. She taunted me saying that she had got her son married before her daughter so that she gets a daughter in law (maid) and her parents to help with the wedding. But, that’s not happening.
The usual frequent comparisons with her daughter, who is an educated housewife had added to my frustration. She used to keep her ears outside our bedroom door; I know because my husband caught her doing so once. She told me that they are better in laws as they don't physically abuse me unlike some people.
My mother-in-law even complained about me to my parents and my parents were teary eyed.
These are only a few instances that I have listed here, there are many more. My husband knew all this while that his mother is wrong and he even spoke to them about all the mental agony I was going through only to earn the title of a henpecked husband.
After some months, I started suffering from depression and total loss of appetite. I had lost 10 kgs in just 3 to 4 months. I went down to 40 kgs and people could make out that I wasn’t happy at all.
Suddenly one day, I left the house without informing anybody and went to my parents' house. I refused to come back. I stood up for myself. I love my husband a lot but I love myself more. And thankfully, my parents supported me in my decision. I tried to convince my husband to move out, but he did not relent.Share this quote
After a few days, he called me saying he is ready to move out as his father is blackmailing him; that if his son moves out, he will tell me about his college affairs and then, I will divorce him….Which parent does this? Thankfully, my husband had told me about this affair during our courtship period only.
It’s been 3 months, we are living separately in the same city in a 1 BHK rented flat. There’s a lot work to do, managing office as well as home, cook, managing finances, but I am able to do it with a smile on my face, because there is no mental agony. Only peace. I have a husband who helps me in every household chore.
The in-laws still taunt and accuse me of breaking their house, but then I have become immune to all this now. At times, I even give it back to them, because in no way I am obligated to them. Nor I am dependent on them or their son. They have not raised me nor are looking after me. Moreover, no daughter in law has ever got an award for being a good puppet. And I have very clearly told my husband that I am in no way going to live with his parents ever after. He has agreed.
I read some responses here from women who are dealing with all the mental anguish for years now. Please don’t do this. Please realise only a happy woman can raise a happy family. Please take a stand for yourself. Yes, it is not easy but it definitely worth the effort.