Are you in your mid-thirties? Are you still single? Do such horrible questions unnerve you? They should not. Relax. Chill.
The right person will eventually come and when he does, age will not matter!
I too am in my early 30s. I am still single. People like me often face questions like these on a regular basis. “So when are you getting married?” “Hey! Why haven’t you married yet?”
Well, I am not really against getting married. But do I have to get married just because I have crossed 30? I am sure that should not be the case. Maybe you are wondering if I ever tried to look for that ‘special’ person. Yes, I did. I think I can write a book on ‘Meeting the prospective groom!’ with my experiences.
The most amazing thing is that no matter how imperfect the groom himself is, he will always look out for a perfect bride.
Now, how do we define perfection? Thanks to all the Indian TV soaps, we all now have a clear picture in our mind about how a bride should look like. She should be fair, slim, educated yet homely, a good cook ( so that she can impress her husband and his family), great at doing household work, coy and happy, a person who never complains, a woman who has mastered the art of adjusting without uttering a single word…and the list goes on.
And for many of the so-called ‘educated’ guys, the bride has to be a virgin!
I have been quite an independent woman in my life. I have been working for over a decade now. I travel alone from one city to another. I am the kind of person who is not scared of being alone. I eat alone at restaurants. I go out alone to watch a movie. I can sit by myself in a park and read a book and click some pictures with my camera when I go there.
Somehow I am always so damn comfortable in my own company.
So what really is a marriage? It is just two people coming together with a good checklist. Most of the things on this checklist will be tangible, physical aspects. The guys have to show their salary slips for the past 3-6 months. The girls are measured using a weighing machine and an inch tape.
Two perfect people move forward in such a measured manner! Great!
But wait – isn’t marriage all about perfection? I don’t think so. I think it is more about just being 'you'. Why should I ever be like someone else? It’s great to follow tradition. But I should never be under the compulsion to go out of the way to follow something which is just not me.
Most girls love wearing jeans and suits. They love short hair. But they suddenly change themselves after they get married. They wear sarees and start growing their hair now.
A woman who loved talking and laughing suddenly learns to keep quiet because the bride-to-be doesn't talk or laugh much or talk loudly. And if you are on the heavier side, you are almost a big NO- NO in the marriage market.
Why can’t marriage just be like a happy soothing breeze? When both the partners meet for the first time, the immediate feeling should be ‘WOW’ where have you been all this while? Let’s just enjoy the journey by sharing our happiness, joy and tears together.
Why can’t a marriage ever go beyond physical and material attraction?
According to me and the other girls who think like me, marriage means being with a person who is compatible with us so that we can enjoy the journey of our life together. It is more of a friendship. It is a lifelong partnership.
It may not be perfect or a bed of roses always but as long as both partners are always together, everything can always be shared!
From my own experience, I can say that I have come across guys who are dead against accepting a girl who has her own voice. They do not accept girls who refuse to follow anyone blindly or girls who travel alone. They look sceptically at girls who put their needs on par with their partner's needs.
Such guys feel threatened when they have such independent partners in their lives. How can they feel threatened by such qualities? Doesn’t having a strong partner make the partnership stronger?
Take the case of a Tendulkar - Kohli partnership. Such matches are always amazing to watch. Imagine the scenario when Kohli starts looking at Tendulkar as his competition? The ego will start playing games now. Probably this is one the main reasons why most of us are scared to be in a relationship – our ego is at fault. Yes, we are scared to leave our ego behind and start afresh.
I really hope that someday all the guys and the girls are accepted the way they are so that all of us can always be true to ourselves. It is OK not to be perfect sometimes. It is more important that we remain our unique selves.
It is probably the most beautiful feeling to know that we are loved, accepted and appreciated for what we truly are.
So don’t be in a hurry. It is OK even if you are in your late 30s or early 40s. Perhaps all your friends are married and have school going kids. Maybe some of their children are getting ready to join high school.
We all will get our time of togetherness when the time is right. But until then, enjoy the space of being a single woman.
Breathe free. Learn new skills, develop new hobbies, make new friends and travel solo. Trust me, it is one of the most amazing things you can ever do when you are still single and free. Start reading and writing. Discover the new you.
When the right person comes, age will not matter. The wrinkles (if at all you have any) won’t matter. All that will matter is your soul – the inner core of your being. Let not caste, religion, complexion, salary, financial assets, height or weight define you. They are all a part of you. But you are more than all of this put together.
You are limitless. You are a beautiful human being. And I believe that I too am a beautiful human being like you. Stay in love with yourself always!