I am a 30-year-old girl with a lot of dreams. However, I’m still struggling for my freedom.

At this age, while other girls enjoy married life or motherhood, I'm still confused about my life.

I have been through several ups and downs in life. I belong to a conservative family where a girl needs to study, but she can get her share of freedom only after marriage.

I was always an ambitious girl, so I worked hard and became a teacher. It helped me earn money and also enjoy my life, at least a bit of it, in our small town. During this journey, there have been many men that I came across.

Some were good friends, some tried to molest me and there were a few whom I got intimate with.

I was deeply in love with a guy who was 5 years older than me. We have been in a long distance relationship since 2011 and I’ve loved every bit of it. All these years, we tried hard to get married but his family didn’t agree to it, as we belong to different castes.

We even planned to elope a few months ago, and I ended up leaving my job for him, but it didn't happen. And that ruined our relationship. I'd argue with him and he would fight with me saying that he didn’t do anything intentionally.

Our relationship went through a very bad phase, which I’d never expected.

My parents then started forcing me to get married to someone else and leave this guy because his family does now want to accept our relationship. The past few months have been miserable for me. Simply being at home is so frustrating.

All this made me very depressed and during this time, I came in touch with another guy who was my school friend. We started chatting with each other as he too lives far away.

I love talking to him and he is a great listener as well. Soon, we started chatting for longer hours, sometimes the entire night. Now we chat almost every day and have also been sexting each other.

I like him but I know this relationship has no meaning.

It has also created a distance between my boyfriend and me, so much so that I don't feel anything for him now. He messages me but I ignore him. Though he has hurt me, I still feel guilty for doing this to him.

Even when I know that there's no future in the relationship that my friend and I share, I don't want to go back to my boyfriend because his family and he have insulted my entire family and me.

But I am also scared of leaving him because if I do, I won’t have either my friend or him in my life.

I will end up losing both of them and will have to settle for an arranged marriage, which I really don’t want to do!

My life is a puzzle where I have many frogs but I don't know who will be my real prince.

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