Something Within Me Died That Day. I Can Never Forgive Him For What He Did To Me

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 21 August, 2018

I was doing my engineering in a reputed university. I was very happy because I had several new friends. My dad always ensured that I got more than what I had always asked him for. He also made sure that I was independent and always told me to do the things that I loved doing. So I guess I was a kind of a tom-boy and a spoilt kid.

One day, I was chatting with one of my so-called best friend's boyfriend. In fact, my friend would often insist that I speak to him whenever we hung out together. It was during one of these times that I chanced upon a letter which was lying in one of my friend's notebook. Strangely enough, it was not addressed to anyone in particular. I took a sneak peek into the letter out of curiosity and ended up reading the whole letter.

I was shocked when I read that my friend was jealous of me because her boyfriend talked to me.
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I told my friend’s boyfriend about it without my friend’s knowledge and decided to move out of their lives. But a month later, I got a call from my friend’s boyfriend saying that my friend had just broken up with him. I tried speaking to my friend about it but somehow things did not work out positively for both of them. Later on, I heard that she was in a relationship with someone else and that is why she had created all this drama.

I ended up making the biggest mistake of my life when I tried to console the guy. I started speaking to him and did not realize when and how the minutes changed into hours and hours into months. Soon enough I started falling for him.

I was in my final year by this time. I mustered all my courage and proposed to him. But he rejected my proposal. I was a little taken aback by it and was slightly depressed for a while. But one fine day, he accepted my proposal. And of course, I was on cloud nine.

I did not even realize how deeply I loved him till then.
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I then got a job in an MNC and moved to a new city. He was still looking out for a job. A few of my colleagues soon became very good friends of mine. I would share everything with my boyfriend. I would tell him how my day had begun and how it had ended.

But I realized that he had started becoming very possessive about me. He did not like the fact that I was spending time with my friends.

He would come over to visit me twice in a month and we would roam around the city and spend some quality time together. Later on, he too got a job in the city that I now lived in. I was so happy because our long distance relationship had ended on a positive note.

I had to work over a weekend once and one of my colleagues helped me a lot that day so that I could leave early. It had started raining. So my boyfriend said that he would pick me up and drop me home. Without thinking twice, I offered a lift to my colleague as my boyfriend was planning to come by car.

Things changed for the worse from there. The moment my boyfriend saw my colleague, he started behaving differently. He did fake a smile in front of my colleague but started scolding me when he was busy with another call.

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I was shocked to see him react in this manner.

The minute he dropped my colleague, he locked the doors and windows of the car. Before I could even realize this, I felt my cheeks turning red in pain. He was thrashing me all over my face.

That was the first time he had physically abused me. I thought I was madly in love with him. I stopped talking to him. He tried to convince me several times. He called me hundreds of times but my heart had turned cold. I was in a state of shock.

I even tried committing suicide because I could not bear the deep pain that seared through my heart.

After a while, my colleagues planned an outing over a weekend. The same colleague came to pick me up so that we could join our other colleagues. I was waiting for him at the bus stop near my house. And just as I waved my hand to him, I found my boyfriend standing right behind me.

I was very scared of him now. He came over to me and slapped me in front of all the people at the bus stop.
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He held my hand tightly and took me home. All the people at the bus stop were staring at us but no one moved. I felt a sudden rush of pain and my eyes started blurring. The minute we reached home, he took the keys from me. There was no one in my house at that time. So he locked me in a room and hit me so hard that I fell down unconscious. He splashed water over my face to bring me to my senses and kicked me on my stomach. I couldn’t move because of the pain that seared through my body. I was lying there like a dead person. I begged him not to hurt me anymore. But he continued to hit me in every possible way he could.

He banged my head against the wall, pulled my hair and kicked me on my stomach again. He slapped me till my cheeks turned red.

An hour later, I crawled to another room when he stopped beating me. I was lying flat on the floor because I could not move. After some time, he came to me and apologized.

He forcefully had sex with me. I had no strength to fight him. I just begged him to leave the house after he was done with me.

He said he couldn’t leave me alone as he was scared that I would commit suicide. He left me at one of my friend’s place and went away.

After that, I tried avoiding him. I changed my number and my house. He came to my office a couple of times to convince me. He called my friends and colleagues and asked them to convince me.

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But I guess something within me had died that day. I was not at all interested in talking to him.

A year later he got married. He has a kid too now. I just hope he treats his wife properly. I also really hope he never ever does what he did to me to his wife.

Author's Note:

I am happily married now. My husband knows all that I have been through. He is happy about the decision that I took at that time. Yet my past often haunts me. All this happened almost 12 years back but I still regret the day I befriended him. Whenever I see someone assaulting a woman, all these memories come flooding back to haunt me. I just hope I am able to come out of this someday.

Editor's Note:

Strangely enough, we all learn the value of self-control only after we lose out on a few precious bonds. Abuse – verbal, emotional, physical or mental – is just a reflection of our own fears and insecurities, isn’t it? Let’s share this touching story because it is high time we learnt to deal with our own inner demons. We have no bloody business going around ruining the lives of other people because we are unable to confront the ugly reality about our own selves.