Confession Love Relationships heartbreak insecurities

Somehow I Feel That He Will Leave Me When He Finds Someone Else, Again

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I’m a 19 year old girl now. My story isn’t very different from your stories.

I share a different kind of a relationship because I love him more than he could ever love anybody.

After I finished my 10th boards, I fell in love with my (once upon a time) best friend/classmate. We started chatting online during the summer holidays. He was a sweet guy and not like those trouble maker guys in school and was the favourite student of all the teachers. We started texting and very soon became friends and then best friends. One day he proposed to me over texts with a very good pick up line. Without even thinking, I said, “Yes!”

I already had a special kind of feeling about him. He too always made me feel special about myself.

Our relationship was like a normal teenage relationship. We went to different colleges, met a few times here and there but never met alone. We were always surrounded by his friends. We dated but it wasn’t like a love relationship. It was more like friends chilling together.

I had never felt such a special connection with any other boy. I loved him way too much. I was OK with whatever he did as long as he was with me. Even after 4 months, our relationship was more like a bond of friendship.

We never went on dates, never hugged or even kissed each other. But we said, “I love you!” to each other.

One day, it was his college fest and I too went there to spend some time with him. But to my surprise he wasn’t even interested in me. He was busy with his girlfriends and his other boyfriends. I was standing there but he never bothered about me.

When I asked him why he was acting like that he said, “It’s my college fest. I’m busy. Please try to understand and be with your friends.” But it was his college fest and I didn’t have any friends there.

I stayed there all alone. I stood and looked at him while he laughed and cracked jokes with his other friends. He never thought about me. He was playing and having fun with some girls but didn’t even bother about me. I felt very bad.

I told him, “I’ll go home.” He just said, “OK. Bye.” But when one of his other friends told him that she was going home, he hugged her and went up to the gate to drop her. But he didn’t do that to me. Even then I waited. I just asked him about what he had done and why he had done so? I then had a fight with him.

He then turned the whole plot around and blamed me for everything. He said, “I can’t do this. I don’t want this relationship. I badly want to be single.” He ended our relationship over texts.

I was so shocked. I blamed myself for questioning him. I felt I should have just kept quiet. I still didn’t stop trying. I kept trying to meet him and texted him often. I tried so hard but it was of no use. He never bothered to reply. He never even acknowledged my attempts of getting in touch with him.

I just blanked out and kept quiet for 3 months. Those 3 months were the worst months and I got into depression without knowing why he had left me. Then I heard from a friend that he was seeing someone else. He had fallen in love with her. That was the most disheartening thing that I had ever heard.  Just thinking about it killed me every day.

Even after 1 and a half years, I still loved him so much. I could not move on though he was already dating somebody else now. He gave her everything – his time, his special feelings and all those cute Instagram and Face book pictures. 

But he had never given me anything like that. I died every single day when I looked at them. I decided to move on with the help of a few friends. I somehow managed to move on and forgot about him. But still once in a while, I thought of him and missed him so much.

After his relationship with the other girl broke up, he again made me fall in love with him. It had been 2 years since we had stopped meeting or texting each other. But I always checked his Instagram once in a while and texted once in 3 months or so. He told me about his relationship and how much he had loved her and that she had never cared much for him.

One day they broke up and he was very sad. He was drinking for days and was just sad for months. He then started texting me and told me everything about their break-up.

So, we started texting and I also told him that I had a crush on somebody else. He was p***ed off. I don’t know why, but certain questions started coming to my mind. I wondered if he still had any feelings for me. I wondered if we would ever date again and also if he still loved me. But I just laughed and ignored all my thoughts.

I knew he loved me only if he was free and bored. I knew he reached out to me only when there was no one else to talk to or be with. I also knew that he wanted me only when it was convenient for him because he knew that I would always be there for him.

But I wanted someone to love me even during those times when I found it hard to love myself. But he wasn’t such a guy. But I already loved him too much and could not even think of stopping myself from loving him.

One day, our mutual friend called all of us to his house. That is when both of us met after 2 years. We could not stop looking at each other. Then there was a power cut. It was dark and both of us were searching for candles.

We were all alone in the room. We made out and did everything but didn’t have sex. We were not so intimate even when we were dating but all this happened.

We walked out of the room when the power supply was restored. All our friends were shocked but didn’t know what had really happened. But they all kept quiet. There was an awkward kind of silence between both of us now.

I told him, “I’ll go home.” He walked me to the gate. I just hugged him and told him, “If you want me to forget all this and think of it as a mistake, I will do it. But just tell me if all this meant anything to you.” He said he would go home and text me.

He went back home and texted, “Just stay with me and I’ll never leave you.”

We started texting, flirting with each other and meeting each other. He again asked me out on my birthday and of course I said, “Yes.”We started dating and we are dating even today. It’s been 4 months since we started dating. Now he is back to his usual old self. He ignores me. He doesn’t give me any special treatment. He never meets me when he is alone. He is always with his set of boyfriends. He is back to his usual old self where he hardly has any time for me!

The only difference now is that he has quit college and has no girlfriends to talk to except me and I am still pursuing my 2nd year of engineering. I am so scared and feel that he will leave me once he gets some other girl in his life.

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