sexism feminism patriarchy Life lessons Prostitution indian man

She Was A W**re But Meeting Her Made Me Feel Ashamed Of My Thinking

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

We were sitting on chairs facing each other when he said, “Don’t be nervous. It’s not a big deal. You will have to do it eventually.”

“Really?” I wanted to say but I didn’t. Am I doing the right thing? But what is wrong with sex? Yes, sex.

After all, sex is a normal activity for humans and animals too. Then why the hell was I feeling this strange kind of anxiety?

I was struggling with my thoughts when Rahul, my friend, said, “Hurry up! She is ready”. My legs trembled on merely hearing the words, how the f**k was I supposed to face the girl in reality! Oh, God!

We were at Monu uncle’s shop in the Halwai Market. Monu uncle was an old man who had an ugly face and a bald round head and wore a tattered old jacket.

He was famous as an undercover supplier of girls to boys who were desperate, rejected or simply tired of using their hand.

I was getting married in 10 days. The girl was unknown to me except for the few phone calls, Imo chats and late night chat sessions we had on WhatsApp. We had never met in reality. Our respective parents decided our match and we accepted their decision.

Rahul was aware of my shy nature and wanted me to get some net practice before the final match, which was my marriage.

“Get up!” Monu uncle screamed and shook me out of my thoughts. Then he started giving me nonsense advice like, “She is a young girl and not some used old women, so don’t get extra excited and do something harmful.” He went on with a long list of terms and conditions.

I felt ridiculous because I was paying him 1000 rupees for one single time and he was lecturing me! What a bloody expensive world!

I guessed that the explosion of other desperate male creatures was responsible for the harsh attitude of such brokers.

“Jaldi ja aur jaldi aa, police ka chakkar ho sakta hai,” He dictated after handing me a cigarette and a matchbox. I wanted to tell him that I didn’t smoke but I chose to ignore him.

He signalled me to the nearby room while Rahul gave me a thumbs-up sign. As I entered the room, my heart skipped a beat. The room was dark, messy and old. A plastic mat was lying on the bed with a pillow and a tattered quilt spread on it.

I was investigating the room when I heard a female voice say, “Jaldi se shoes utar aur chatai pe beth ja.”

Her voice gave me goosebumps. I took off my shoes and followed her instructions. After a few minutes, she came inside and closed the door. My heart was beating rapidly, as all this was new to me. It was like a weird dream coming true at the wrong time.

I felt like a student who had gone to school for the first time and everything seemed new and strange.

The darkness was eating me. I trembled slightly, as she rubbed her hand on my thighs.

I was supposed to feel erotic but on the contrary and stupidly, I felt shocked to see a woman behaving like this.

A single window was the only source of light in the dingy room. As tried pulling off her leggings, the light from the window fell on her face and it glowed like the warm sun on a chilled winter morning.

“Beautiful,” was the word that came to my mind. She was fair and her skin was spotless like a mirror except for a charming black dot on her upper lip. Her hair was open and messy but it added to her beauty.

“Is every whore as gorgeous as her or was I the lucky one to get this diamond from the coal?” I thought to myself.

She stared at me in disbelief and slapped her hand on her forehead, visibly irritated“Yeh tum naye chokron ka yahi panga hai b******d, ain mauke pe neeche 12 baj jate hain,” she screamed in her rowdy accent. I gulped the saliva that was stuck in my throat ever since she started her screaming session.

“Ok sorry, let’s do it. But how do we start? From a kiss?“ I asked her like an obedient student.

It was ironical that a 19-year-old girl was giving lessons to a 30-year-old guy who was getting married in a few days.

“No kiss, I don’t let anyone touch my face. Quickly get done with what you’re here for and leave the room as soon as possible,” she ordered. Her attitude amazed me. She was a whore but acted like the officer of some district.

My male ego was hurt. I countered her bravely saying, “I’m not here for free, I have paid 10% of my salary for you and you’re not even letting me kiss you. You are a ridiculous person, you …’

I wanted to use the word r***i but my conscience didn’t allow me to do so.

She gave me a deadly look and started pulling off her leggings that were torn at the bottom. Her torn clothes drew my attention. Was she really so poor? Or was this an act to gain more customers? Within the next few seconds, she took off her lowers and I was almost in a coma.

In my entire life, I hadn’t even seen my private parts in the mirror except for one time when an insect bit me on my d**k. And today, an unknown girl was standing naked in front of me.

Before I could get back to my senses, she played another card by giving me a condom and ordered me to wear it as soon as possible.

My body shivered in fear, as I wondered what was going to happen next. What if my d**k didn’t rise? What if she found it too small? What if I was unable to satisfy her? But wasn’t I there to satisfy myself and not her?

All these ifs and buts were killing me. She stared at me for a long minute, thinking why I hadn't done anything.

From her facial expressions, it was clear that I was the first guy who had not acted wild and desperate.

I frankly told her that I was not hard and kept the condom on the mat. Frustrated, I sat down and lowered my head. I feared that she would get angry and start screaming and ugly Monu uncle and Rahul would get to know that I was a player who had failed even in net practice.

But to my surprise, she came to me and gently asked, “Is this your first time?” With my head still down, I weakly replied, “Yes.” “But you look so young, how have you never had sex?” she asked but before I could say anything, she answered herself.

“Today’s reality is that girls sleep with studs and ignore innocent guys like you.”

Innocent? Perhaps a boy whose organ fails to rise up at the right moment is called innocent!

Seeing the baffled expression on my face, she slid her top, revealing her black bra. On her left breast was a deep bite mark. I could only imagine the pain it must have caused her.

“I was 15 when I had sex for the first time. You know who the man was? It was Monu uncle who is my paternal uncle. After my parents died, he was the only relative I had. I was just 12 when he started watching me while I took a bath.

It took him 3 years to gain courage and brutally rape a 15-year-old girl.”

“I can never forget that night when that drunken man left me in throbbing pain and blood all over me. After that day, raping me every day became a habit for him.

I wanted to resist, I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry but I was unable to do anything except to wait for the night to end.”

I tried to say something but she silenced me with her finger against my lips. “He wanted to use me to make money and opened this brothel. I was 17 when two customers came here. I managed to escape but they found me and what they did to me was the most painful experience.

They snatched my soul from me and I was left with the body of a whore.

Almost 10 to 15 men come here every day; they all act like wild animals who have never seen female flesh and want to take complete advantage of this chance and their money.” She meekly mumbled the last words. I was shocked. I couldn’t imagine that such things happened in reality too!

It sounded filmy but her pain, her feelings, and the torture of her life were real.

I was speechless; I had nothing to ask or say to her. Ultimately, I gathered my courage and said, “Sorry for taunting you earlier. I was not aware of your condition. I apologize.” I felt completely ashamed.

I had never expected or even dreamt that a whore who had sex for money could have such a painful and pitiful life.

“No, it’s not your fault. You have paid for my body and it’s completely yours for an hour. I was rude earlier because this is the golden rule of whore-dom; if you are kind and innocent with the customers they will turn extra wild and will take extra time,” she completed the last line and our eyes met.

This time, I saw a strange kind of shame in her eyes, as she was still naked. I threw the condom in the dustbin and gave her the leggings. She was confused by my actions but still managed a smile on her face. “Though I'm not supposed to ask, I still want to know why are you here, as you are not the kind of person we call a ‘customer’?”

I laughed at her question and she joined in. I thought for a minute and decided to tell her the truth. “I was here for net practice.”

At that moment, I felt ashamed of my thinking. A girl’s respect, her dignity, her feelings and her body was just net practice for us.

“If possible, please forgive me,” I said and I was genuinely ashamed of my thinking as well as my actions. “Oh! Don’t worry,” she said in an indifferent manner. “I have been fucked by hundreds of men, even by my own uncle but you are the first man who won my heart.

If I were not a whore and you were not my customer, I would have surely fallen in love with you.

Also, don’t worry, if she loves you, she will not care about your p***s size or your sexual stamina. You are good the way you are.” I could sense the simplicity, honesty, and love in her words. I didn’t have anything more to say or do so I decided that it was better to get up and leave the room.

As I got up, she gave me a stern look because she wanted to speak for a few more minutes. But I was unable to say anything. I bent down on my knees and moved my face towards her. She sat there dumbstruck. Our faces were barely centimetres apart.

She closed her eyes and this time, without fear or hesitation, I gave her a long peck on her cheek. I had had enough net practice for romance.

I got up and moved towards the door when she said, “Start with a kiss, followed by foreplay for a few minutes and you will rock on the bed.” I smiled shyly and left the room. I didn’t have sex with her but I developed a feeling of love, respect, and kindness towards her.

And I’m proud to say that I loved my “first romance”.

Share this Article

You Might Also Like...