She Wanted Her Son To Live In America And I Became Their Scapegoat
Growing up in America was hard when I came from a very traditional family.Share this quote
I wanted to live my life but also be an obedient daughter who my parents would be proud of. When I became "of age" after getting my Bachelors, my parents started looking for a suitable husband for me. Eventually, they found a family in Pakistan they thought would be a perfect match. They were educated and both parents were retired school teachers. My parents and I thought that since both parents had worked, they were more open-minded people. But it was the exact opposite.
I told my parents that I was okay with marrying him as long as I would not have to live there and he would move here with me. They all agreed. We got married. That is when I learned the bitter reality of this world. My parents had kept me so protected from the evils of this world that I never thought someone would treat me poorly. Sounds crazy, right?
I thought everyone was like me and my family who was kind, and humble, and loving.Share this quote
Little did I know I was going to learn the biggest lesson of my life. Once I got married, I very quickly learned that these people were not who they pretended to be. However, I did not say much initially. My mother-in-law was pure evil. The morning after my reception, she called my husband to yell at us because we did not call her first thing in the morning. We woke up from her call and he told her that but she kept saying that I must have told him to "ignore" his family.
They just saw him the night before and she was already acting like this. He then said it WAS "our" fault because we should've known that she would be waiting for us to call. He apologized to her and also made me apologize. She had every person in that household under her control and she also wanted my family and me to be under her control as well. She wanted everything to be her way and even controlled who I could speak to. If I spoke to their other daughter-in-law, she would yell at me and tell me I am not allowed to speak to anyone.
Those few months I stayed in Pakistan after marriage were just the start of my misery. It didn't end there.Share this quote
After I came back, my husband demanded that I send gifts for his family from here. I did as he said but they were not happy with anything. He said I sent them "expired and used" things. They didn't like the colors or the scents. Instead of a "thank you," my husband told me that I embarrassed him and the quality of the gifts was not up to his mother's standards. After he came here, it got even worse.
Of course, he came here and wanted to use up every penny that I worked so hard to earn and get things for his family.Share this quote
He didn't even have a job at this time but was spending MY money. Even though I had been talking to him for a whole year before getting married, I realized that I don't love him. He didn't make me happy. Shortly after, I saw that he only married me so he can come here and use me. Even from thousands of miles away, this family was still making me miserable. My husband blamed me for everything. I started to become depressed. My father went to Pakistan to visit his family and he went to visit my in-laws as well. He brought them gifts from here and some mithai as well. His mother later lied and told my husband that he did not bring anything except for mithai that was old and dry already.
Again, my husband believed his mother when he was not even there and accused my dad of being a liar and bringing rotten sweets. I left everything that my parents gifted to me in Pakistan (furniture, bags, clothes, shoes, etc.) and my mother-in-law told my husband that she had found condoms in my purse and told him that I must have been cheating on him.
It was a lie. I never had condoms.Share this quote
She was making it up to make me look bad but my husband believed her. I was so angry that she had the nerve to even say she went through my purse but he saw nothing wrong with that. She was allowed to dig through my purse and even my drawers and cabinets because I shouldn't have anything to hide. There was no such thing as privacy. Each member of his family had ego issues. They all thought that because his mother worked as a woman in Pakistan, they can try to control the world. They thought very highly of themselves and expected to be treated like kings and queens. Every day it was something new.
I then found out I was pregnant. Once I told him, all hell broke loose.Share this quote
He did not want the baby. I became a victim of domestic abuse. Eventually, my family found out about this and had me move back with them. I took everything that belonged to me and told my parents that I do not want to live with him. My parents respected my wish and helped me with the divorce process. It was a nightmare. I did get the title of an "obedient daughter" and my parents praised me for my patience but they wish that I knew my worth and value ahead of time before things had gotten this far.
I never loved him and I only wanted to make this marriage work because I didn't want to disappoint my parents.Share this quote
Still, I'm glad I walked out when I did and was able to escape from such horrible people. I'm still recovering but I'm so happy with where I am in life now. I got a raise at my job and have a beautiful baby boy whom I love more than anything. When one door closes, it leaves room for many others to open. I learned that there are people who will suck the energy out of you and will make you miserable so they have company. Stay away from those type of people when you are able to point them out.
His mother was never happy in her life and she wanted everyone else to be miserable too.Share this quote
He would have never been able to come here if he didn't marry me but now his mother has something to brag about to the world- her son lives in America. But is it worth destroying someone's life to come here? Is it worth abandoning your own child because you only care about money and you feel that having to support a child will leave you with less money for your parents? My son and I are better off without him that's for sure. I'm glad this made me realize my worth and that I deserve better than this.
Women are not visas or an insurance for your future. Share this story to protest against the toxic mindset of the 'groom's family'.