Oye “Hone Waala Pati”: Don't You Dare Use That App To Cheat On Your Better Halves

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 23 April, 2018

I am an only child and belong to a middle-class family. I lost my dad about 4 years back. I have been going through several ups and downs in matters related to matrimony.

My marriage was called off because we could not meet the dowry demands of the boy's side. After that, my father passed away. I had to continue working in order to keep my mom in comfort.

My life now revolves around her alone. She is emotionally weak and I am trying to bridge our financial crunch and match the expectations of our society without pressurizing myself. I have decided not to get married because my mom needs me.

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But I am 30+ now and there are times in my life when I feel the need of a companion. I saw no harm in being friends with a man. So I logged into an app called ‘un-single yourself’. I thought I would come across someone who was interested in having a casual conversation with me.

But destiny had something else in mind. I met a guy who said that he was seriously looking for a life partner. Initially, I doubted him a bit but when he told me about his profession, qualification and age, I thought that he was a person just like me. I started looking forward to having a stable relationship with him. He mentioned that he had done his MBA from XLRI and was working with PWC.

He then added a touch of intensity to our conversation and said, “I lost my dad 10 years back. I too am an only child of my parents. If we get married, our moms can stay together. Both of them will have each other for company.” I was caught off guard because my mom was my weak point.

I was excited by the thought that my mom could stay with me. What else could I ask for from a guy? He then mentioned that how he had created a life of his own after his dad passed away.

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I was impressed by all this because I too was facing similar things in my life.

He then started planning all the details for our wedding. After a few days, he mentioned that he had talked to his mom and said that I too must talk to my mom. He then told me that his mom may call us in a day or two. 

He kept discussing stuff related to our wedding plans. But I kept insisting that we meet first and then plan everything else.

 He said he would visit us within the next few days with his mom. But later he said that we could visit NCR to meet them and plan the engagement and other things. He then mentioned that we could have the engagement in October and get married in March 2018. I insisted that we plan all this after meeting each other.

I continued to consider him positively because I would not have to worry about my mom if we got married.
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Then he started planning our honeymoon. He mentioned that he would take me on a 20-day tour to Europe. I now started doubting him a bit. Yes, I knew he was earning really well. He had mentioned his income to me earlier.

But a 20 day Europe honeymoon didn’t look like a very realistic idea to me. He then mentioned that he had 3 flats. He said he had a house in Punjabi Bagh in Delhi, a flat in Gurugram and another one in Goa. Again I started having my doubts. But I saw no harm in going ahead and meeting him first. I knew I could always take a final decision later on.

He had involved our families in our conversations so I assumed that he was not just passing his time with me. All through the next few days, he kept mentioning that his mom would call us in a day or two.

He then asked me what kind of a ring I wanted for the engagement. He wanted to know if I wanted a solitaire or a ring made out of plain gold.

I was not a very materialistic person so all this did not lure me. I told him that such things never mattered to me and I just wanted honesty and loyalty from him.

I then told him again that we would plan all this after meeting each other.
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He then convinced me to have a video call with him and told me that this was as good as meeting each other in person. He then said, “I am not looking for a girl with good looks. I know you have whatever I am looking for.” I was surprised to hear this from him because I knew that people doubted their partners and their relationship even while sitting in the ‘mandap’ for their ‘pheras’.

And here was a man who was so sure of our relationship that he was planning our marriage without even meeting me.

I brushed aside my doubts again assuming that he was probably annoyed by all his past experiences. He had mentioned a few of them to me earlier. He then started discussing matters related to our kids, their education, his plans to settle abroad after selling his house here, his business options and so many other things. He then mentioned that he could easily get me a job in Delhi within a day.

He now started using phrases like “Hone waala pati” and “hone waali biwi”. He then tried to initiate a sexual conversation with me. I didn’t respond to it but I didn’t discourage him too because I still thought of him as a genuine person. I thought this was a great proposal because I would be able to take care of my mom too. He then said that he considered himself lucky that he hadn’t married anyone else so far.

He said that had he been married, he would have divorced his wife and married me because he found me to be perfect in every way.

We talked for a week about such things. But one fine day I realized that he never called me from his house. He would talk to me only when he was out of his house. He would keep pinging and calling from his office.

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But once he entered his house he would never call me.

I knew he returned home quite late from his office every day. So initially I thought that probably he felt tired. But somehow I was not convinced about this.

So I called him one day after he had reached home. He disconnected the call. Now I started doubting him even more.

I knew that if he had already talked to his mom about me he would not have problems talking to me. I realized that I needed to check things out for myself. I asked him upfront, “Are you married?” He denied it and said, “Let me show you my bachelor’s room” He video called me and showed me his room. But he disconnected the call within 3- 4 minutes saying, “My mom is about to come. I get turned on when I watch you, so either you show me more or I am going.”

I ended the call. But I started doubting him all the more now. I turned on my laptop and started searching.

I had already gone through his Facebook profile earlier and I hadn’t found anything in it.

This time, I visited his mom’s Facebook profile.

I practically opened every girl’s profile in his mom’s friend list. I then found a girl who shared the same surname as this man. She looked like his sister to me. I thought that maybe she was his cousin because he had mentioned that he was an only child. I then found another profile of a young and seemingly naïve girl.

She was married. And yes, she was his wife. He had been married almost 3 years back and now he was playing with another girl.

I was shattered because I had involved my mom too in all this. She was already an emotionally weak person and I had just worsened things for her. I didn’t know what I would tell her now.

I also came to know that he wasn’t the only child that he had proclaimed to be. Also, his dad was very much alive.

I couldn’t believe that this guy had even killed his dad in our talks. I was thinking back now. I hadn’t been lured by his money or his dowry free/simple marriage, his Europe honeymoon, lovely-dovey talks, plans to settle abroad, 3 cars and 3 houses etc.

Instead, I had started doubting him when he said such things. But I knew that there were so many girls who would have easily fallen prey to his glib lies.

A few days back he had mentioned that his mom may not be able to come down to meet us but he would come soon as he wanted to finalize all the details quickly. I wondered about his intentions now.

What would he gain by visiting me as my ‘hone waala pati’? Maybe he was looking for sex. Maybe it was something more than that. I wondered how many girls had fallen into his trap.

I messaged his mom, sister and wife. But I think he deleted all the messages from his mom's profile and his sister blocked me. His wife was in a state of shock but didn't react in the way I would have reacted had my husband done something like this. Maybe I am not very good at reading textual emotions. But like a friend mentioned, perhaps all of them were involved in this. And perhaps he was looking for something more than sex here.

This guy is a lawyer by profession. He works for Thomson Reuters- not for the PWC like he had told me. Maybe he had worked there earlier. I really wish I could mention his name here.  I want the world to know about him but I don’t mention it because it may ruin his family’s name.

I felt bad because I told all that had happened between us to his wife. Maybe this would break his relationship with her. But a friend told me that I hadn’t done anything wrong.
Author's Note:

I wrote this story just to create some awareness amongst the girls who read this story. Please trust your gut and follow your instincts at all times.

Editor's Note:

All time is not fun time. We really have no bloody business playing with the feelings of another human being. The virtual world is such a beautiful blessing for all of us. Yet, some people exploit the anonymity that it provides to have fun at other people’s expense. Strange – that they get “turned on” when they amuse themselves with such sick ideas. Come now – let’s share this story and infuse a sense of shame in the hearts of such stone-hearted people.