Most children grow up hearing nice endearments like “beta” or “laddo” but in my case I grew up hearing “moti hidhvo” , “varu jevi”, “loyi peeti”, “hijra jevi” and so on. You get the drift? She has told me to die in the most vulgar language that I hope no kid ever has to hear. My mother hated me for reasons best known to her. She had five children of which I am the eldest. We are four sisters and a brother. My youngest sister passed away in an accident while I was away at boarding school and she blamed even that on me, though I was in another country at that time. No opportunity was wasted by her to beat me up. The smallest reasons required beatings.

I don’t remember my mother giving me a hug or a nice touch as a child. In fact, the only touch was a beating.

I was compared to all the other girls. My mother kept pointing out how well put together they were or how clever they were without giving a thought to the fact that those girls were pampered and well loved.

At the age of 7, when I told her that a neighbour had sexually abused me she tied me up to the bed, and put a lit match to my mouth with a couple of whacks saying, “avu gandu gandu bole”!

At the age of 9, on a holiday at my masi’s home, she flung a knife at me which fortunately just nicked me.

At the age of 12, I started my period, and I didn’t have the guts to tell her. She realized it for herself and gave me pads for the same. Later my classmates told me their mothers had told them about it and they knew what to expect. No explanation from her. I was expected to make chapatis, look after the younger siblings, be great with my studies, which unfortunately I wasn’t, and yet never got a kind word. Whatever I did wasn’t enough.

At 13 I was sent to a boarding school with the sister who was born just after me. We were ill-treated in the school and we absolutely hated it. At home at least we liked the school we went to and had lots of friends. We were also bullied in the boarding school. The school was from March to December and we had holidays for 3 months from December to March. We cried every holiday as we didn’t want to go back. We were insulted and sent back each time with words like “Amari mate bhanwana” meaning 'are you studying for us?' We were told how ungrateful we were.

When the time came for my third sister to go to a boarding school, my mother shifted to India and stayed with her. I finished my school after a year of her living with my sister and brother, to join them. The other sister came a year after that.

I started college. She was very partial towards the third sister who got the best of everything. I remember being grilled for everything I wanted and told how money was sparse, but somehow every wish of hers was fulfilled. I also remember a big case of Alphonso mangoes being bought. I just said how I would love to eat them just to be told rudely that it was bought because ”her son” loves them so much.

The day my marriage got fixed, I never got a hug or congratulations but was told how her burden had been lifted. After I got married, my mother-in-law, a tyrant, ill-treated me to the point of starving me. That also never made my mother feel anything for me.

During that time, a neighbour’s niece was burnt to death by her in-laws for not getting pregnant even after 7 years of marriage. My mother told me "See, Roopa never complained about her in-laws. She died but never complained."

I realized that day that I can never expect anything from her. She would rather have me dead.

When I was pregnant, she called me all the way from my in-laws place to go with her to the doctor instead of asking one of the other sisters to go with her. She never troubled them for anything. I slipped and fell that day, and for that, she had a lot of crap to give to me. Except for when she needed me, she didn’t even like me visiting. Even when I did visit, I was expected to work so there was no respite for me at my mother’s place or my mother-in-law’s.

Her two favourite children, my brother and sister live abroad. One sister lives in the same city I do. A year and a half ago, my mother had a tumour that needed to be operated on. I was with her in the hospital 24/7 for 11 days. Her favourite kids never came to be with her. My other sister was looking after my father for those 11 days. After that, my dad had to have a part of his big toe amputated. I was the one running with him to the hospital and everything. They are staying with me along with my in-laws.

Where is the justice in this world? Why me, when she doesn't even like me, in fact, hates me. Probably because she loves her other children too much to bother them and trouble them. I wonder if her conscience ever bites her for how she treated me and then for expecting me to do everything for them.

So here I am, looking after them all, living with them all and doing such a thankless job. I still do everything but they care about the children who do nothing for them. Yes, her ugly taunts have stopped just because it's my house she lives in.

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