My Mother And Husband Are The Only Two People Left, But They Can Only Hurt Me

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 1 May, 2018

I am writing here to vent out. We are three siblings. My mother has been partial to my sister so it always hurt me and it does to date. But I have learnt to ignore it mostly. Recently, I got married. My husband is a good person, but he has anger issues. One day, I spontaneously planned to visit my mother. My sister was not married then.

I came home to see that one of my favorite breakfast meals has been prepared but my mother told me that since it was a sudden visit, she doesn't have enough left for me.

I was disappointed but didn't think much of it. A year later, my sister got married. I was there at my mother's place for a few days then and one day, my mother cooked the same breakfast meal, and my sister arrived suddenly. My mother came and told me that she gave the breakfast to my sister and so I should cook something for myself. When I came home suddenly that day, it didn't matter that I was hungry, but it matters when my sister was. Anyway, so I shared this incident with my husband, frankly because I just felt bad and wanted a listening ear. Instead of just listening and letting go of the matter, he started saying that nobody loves me and I deserve it. There is no reason for him to say that maybe he just got irritated. The only two people I consider my own are my husband and my mother. My mother did hurt me, and my husband made it worse by taunting me about it.

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I am not angry at my mother, she has been showing me small unconscious differences right from my childhood but I mostly feel bad about it and ignore it. But now, I am angry at my husband because he did make me feel very bad by saying nobody loves me, not even my own mother. I know my mother loves me, but she just shows more concern for my sister. When I asked my husband, why he would say something like that, he said he was angry but he didn't tell me what made him angry. I told him to keep a check on his anger but he said that anger is an uncontrollable expression and people really don't choose what they say in anger. I told him, he didn't have a reason to be angry. I wanted him to know how it feels to be on the receiving end of anger and I sent him emails using swear words. I am not a person who believes in sending stupid swear emails or showing uncontrollable anger.

But after I sent these, I realized that this is not who I am. I felt I did the same thing my husband did and spoke without sense in a state of anger.

I also feel my husband is bringing out the worst in me. I feel like I don't want to stay in this marriage anymore. I mean, life partners should be a support to each other emotionally and should bring out the best in each other. On the other hand, I also feel like I do love him and I also admire him as I see that he is more focused and does everything perfectly when compared to me. Even when he is folding clothes, he does it more neatly. When he is working, he doesn't get distracted.

Usually he hates to wake up early, but I have seen him waking up at 5 consistently every day when he joined swimming class. I go to gym class but sometimes I do bunk. He is more consistent than I am.
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But emotionally, he is completely different from me. While I show sympathy and concern when people share their problems with me, he shows restlessness and is not comfortable listening. He has a lot less ability to show empathy, compared to me. I have seen that once his sister was talking about cracking some entrance exam, and he bluntly told her that she can't do it because she doesn’t have the ability to do it. It was harsh of him to say that to somebody's face. He doesn't really understand people's emotions, he doesn't respond with empathy. I am finding it difficult to stay with such kind of a person. I am unable to decide whether I should stay and tolerate this all my life or just leave.

Because, whatever happens in life, I feel I am hurt the most by him, by his words. Of course, I spoke to him regarding the issue, but it was futile.
Editor's Note:

Share this story because we need to realize that no relationship is worth paying the cost of through mental peace.