My Father Never Managed To Hold On To A Job And Our Poverty Did This To Me

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 21 August, 2018

Hi, I am a 28-year-old girl belonging to one of the most populous states of India. I have always been inspired by the AkkarBakkar stories that I read up every day and always had thought of telling mine too. So here I am.

I was a shy and introvert; the "good" kid maybe because of the environment I grew up in, within the four walls of the ever-changing rented house as my father had a transferable job. Sighs! Was that even a job? Every day after coming back home from work, he used to give us tension by saying that he will be fired from his job and we won't be able to pay our school fees or the electricity bills. As a helpless kid, me and a helpless wife, my mom used to pray for his job.

I don't remember when he actually paid my school fees on time nor do I remember if he ever bought us new colors on Holi.
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My friends in school used to bring fancy pencil boxes and bottles, but I was made to carry one small blue old bottle without a cap, wear my sister's skirt, and carry the old books that would be borrowed from neighbours in the old bag rejected. He actually never gave us what we needed in a happy way. But one thing I appreciate is that he had put me in an English medium school. I always thought that getting a job and staying on the same one would be so difficult because my father always complained about his job. So they continuously pressurized me to get A's' in exams and I did it. I was so focused on becoming the topper in academics that I could answer everything within my textbook syllabus. But I was too innocent and an idiot to understand that for the world out there, I was a complete zero. I would say that I never had my teenage life because most of the time, I would be busy with my academics. And just like that, years passed by but I never grew up mentally. I was still a child by heart. I took admission in a college far away from home.

A child who didn't know a real thing about the real world out there was made to live in a completely whole different state, all by herself.

Of course, shit was supposed to happen. I wasn't a match there. I cried my heart out. It was too painful but no one gave a damn about it. I felt extremely helpless. I developed different mental issues. There were times tears fell down my eyes without any reason and I felt empty inside. I was diagnosed as mentally ill in college. Obviously, I had no friends.

But then, one day, I decided I had had enough of this shit. From that time onwards, I had quit caring about other people's opinion. Now I even don't care about what my parents will think about my decisions. As long as I am happy and I feel it is right, I am going to do it.

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My only mistake was giving authority to other people including my parents to dictate my life.

I lost my teenage and even my college days. I don't know how far I will go with this attitude but one thing is for sure that if I don't take up this attitude, I will definitely not reach anywhere. And one of my biggest strengths is God. I know I have never done anything bad to anyone purposely and He is always with me through my good and bad times. I love him and He loves me. I just want my parents and my sister to be happy and to get successful wherever she will be. And of course, I don't want to face poverty ever in my life in the future again.

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