I have been working in a public sector bank as a manager for almost a decade now. I got transferred to my hometown 8 years back. I came in touch with a man who was my best friend's friend.
He was going through a break up at that time and was in need of moral support. We started chatting and meeting frequently and shared everything with each other. I knew I had found a true friend in him. He said he always felt relaxed when he was with me.
He was a perfect person and I dreamt of spending my whole life with him. We would freely express our romantic feelings with each other. I knew I was an average looking girl. But he always seemed to be more interested in me as a person.
Despite spending a lot of time with me, he was still finding it difficult to forget his previous girlfriend.
After a few months, we planned a 6 day trip to Shimla with our common friends. I was totally, madly and extremely in love with him. I lost my virginity to him there. And even today I have no regrets about it because I don't think I did anything wrong. I was madly in love with him.
I knew that our intimacy had brought us closer together. I thought he too felt the same way about me.
I discussed my relationship with my family members. I told them that I loved him and wanted to marry him. We knew it would be an inter-caste marriage but my parents agreed to get us married.
But he was not yet ready for marriage.
He was unemployed at that time. But this had never bothered me because I felt it was more important to get married. I started becoming over possessive about him and did not like the fact that he spent his time with his family. A year and a half later, I got transferred to another state. And now we started having a lot of differences.
We would fight over trivial things every day because he was unwilling to get married and I was insisting on it all the time.
A month later our friends planned to go to Nainital. We became intimate with each other again. But I realized that I was pregnant on returning home. He pressurized me to take pills and abort the child. He assured me of his love and said he will marry me at the right time. He said that I would have to wait till he found a job first. So I reluctantly took the tablets and lost my child after bleeding for 14 days.
It was as if I had lost a part of my heart. I never told him about how broken I felt from inside when I went through all this.
I just continued talking to him normally. But we were fighting very frequently now because I had become very short-tempered. I almost lost out on my relationship with him due to my temperament. A few months later, I was transferred to my hometown again. When I tried to get in touch with him he broke up with me immediately.
I then came to know from someone else that he was meeting one of my friends. I was totally shattered when I came to know about this. I was still hoping that he would come back into my life.
But I ended up battling my loneliness on my own.
My parents were forcing me to get married. Every now and then they would keep discussing this with me. I tried to commit suicide several times but failed in my attempts because my mausi was a nurse.
A year and a half later, I came to know that he was in a relationship with another girl and planned to get married to her. I was heartbroken when I heard this. We had broken up almost two years back. So I decided to get married and fulfil my parents' dream. I decided not to think about him anymore. One fine night when I was lying in bed, my cell phone beeped. He had sent me a message. I was really shocked.
I was on cloud 9 because I knew I still loved him.
I told him how I had spent the last two years without him. I told him about how I had been mad enough to attempt suicide several times. I also told him that I was getting engaged next week. I did get engaged to a boy. I don't think he was a boy at all. He was a fat over-aged man.
When I told him about it, he requested me to send him a photograph of my Roka ceremony. I sent him one of the pictures. He was shattered when he saw the photo.
He realized his mistake and tried to get in touch with me over the phone several times. But I ignored him because I was already engaged.
But after a while, he forced me to break my engagement because had realized his mistake and now wanted to marry me. He understood that I loved him deeply. He tried his best to convince me about his love.
He said he couldn't live without me.
I was now in a dilemma. I did not know what to do. I just decided to listen to my heart and broke my engagement. After being together for almost 7 years, I am finally getting married to a man that I had always dreamt about. I had almost lost him forever.
There was a time in my life when I used to curse the word called ‘love' but now I also accept that there is nothing more beautiful than love.
I know he ruined two years of my life. But I still love him madly. I want to get pregnant again with his child. I will do my best to ensure that only death separates us. I will always share all my feelings with him and dedicate my love to him.