I've Been Like A Son To Them Because I Know They Will Never Accept Me As Their Daughter

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 2 April, 2018

Most of us believe that if we give 100% to anything or to any relationship, the outcome will always be positive. But my story is an exception. I am a CA by profession. I was happy with my professional life. But like all other parents, my parents too wanted me to get married and settle down in life. So I created my profile in a matrimonial website and got in touch with a guy. We chatted with each other for a few days and then decided to meet personally.

We spent three and a half hours getting to know each other in our very first meeting. He then gave me a heart shaped handmade box full of chocolates and proposed to me. The words, “Will you marry me?" were written on the box. It was such a beautiful and romantic moment.

I did accept his proposal but not on the same day. We started dating and understanding each other. I started liking him. I liked spending my time with him. But we had to consider other aspects of our lives too.

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There was a big difference in our family status.

I belonged to a well-settled family but his family was not financially sound. He too was still struggling to settle down in his career. But this did not affect my love for him.

I had never dreamt of marrying a rich person or a person who promised to give me a luxurious life. I just wanted my life partner to love me and understand me.

I had always wanted to put my education to good use. I knew that all the years that I had spent studying would prove to be fruitful if I supported him with my education. We did face a few issues but finally, we got married too. Initially, everything was good. I was really deeply in love with him.

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Whenever he told me about the struggles that he faced as a child, I would get the motivation to support him to the best of my ability. All his dreams were my dreams. I forgot that even I had dreams of my own.

Now the only purpose of my life was to fulfil all his dreams of owning a house and leading a better lifestyle. Before getting married, he had told me that his family was very supportive and understanding. But the reality was something else altogether.

His family neither valued me nor my work. But he always supported me saying that “I’m always with you.” That would give me the courage to continue with what I was doing.

My mother-in-law is very rigid. She creates issues over trivial things. Even if I am careful about doing everything properly she has a problem. She feels jealous when my husband supports me. She openly tells him not to support me. She is not happy when we ask her whether we can go out to spend some time with each other.

She hates the way my husband takes care of me.
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She forces me to follow all kinds of rigid rules during my periods. I have to follow all the outdated rituals of our family. She did not support me even when I was pregnant. Instead, she created as many issues as possible. She didn't want us to shift to another rented house though it had better sanitation facilities. I accepted all this and worked hard during this phase too.

I fulfilled the family dream of owning a home and a car. I shouldered all these responsibilities without complaining about anything. My family supported me a lot both physically and financially even though they were not happy with my decision of getting married into this family.

Once we had realized all our dreams, I thought that we could live a happy life like a lovely couple.

But even after finally having everything that we had dreamt of - none of my family members value my sacrifices and efforts.

They have no appreciation at all for all that my parents have done for them. My mother-in-law has never praised me for anything. She thinks that I always do things for my own sake.

She does not value my husband and often she does not treat even him like her own son. This is what hurts me the most. I don’t understand what went wrong. I don’t know if I am doing something wrong.
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I adjusted myself and lived in a rented house which had no amenities too. I have always followed all their instructions but even today his family is not happy with me.

They never support me.

I have thousands of questions in my mind but there are no answers for any of these questions. I feel helpless when I see that they are not bothered by anything. I give them whatever they want but they are not even concerned about how I go about doing this for them. She just ignores me and this demotivates me.

Instead of supporting me they keep complaining about me.

It is really very easy to say that we will take care of our daughter-in-law like our own daughter. But it is difficult to accept another woman as your daughter-in-law practically. I have been like a son to them and have done everything for them. But I know his family will never accept me as their daughter.

Author's Note:

I learned two things after facing all this in my life: It is not enough if we love/like the boy and get along with him very well. We must consider his family background and interact with his family members too before we decide to get married. The boy should be strong enough to take a stand for his wife against his family if necessary. Only then will his wife be happy. I also feel that couples who don't have daughters will never be able to understand the pain of their daughters-in-law.

Editor's Note:

Maybe people will never ever understand the value we are adding to their lives. Maybe we will never get the respect or the appreciation we deserve for our most sincere efforts. Maybe we will then learn to create our own happy space in our lives by doing tiny things that fill us with happiness – every single day. Let’s share this story and learn to value, respect and appreciate ourselves first. Let’s make it our business to make ourselves happy first.