I'm Scared That I'll Ruin His Life

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 25 September, 2017

I come from a middle class family in Bangalore. My parents left me at my aunt’s (mother’s sister) house when I was in class 1. They had to look after my grandmother, as there was no one to take care of her. Time went by and I lived with my aunt for almost 10 years.

I would go to my house only on Sundays and slowly, I lost contact with my parents as I never got a chance to share my feelings with them.

I craved for their love; I missed the fights with my mom and scoldings from dad.
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While growing up, my cousin (whose house I was staying in) would always find some or the other reason to beat me. When I was in school, he started doubting me for having an affair. He’d hit me even if he spotted me speaking to any boy. But he had warned me not to tell anyone that he beats me.

And if I did tell someone, he would beat me even more when there was no one at home.

Finally the day arrived when I finished my schooling and my father took me home. I was eagerly waiting for them to shower me with the love that I had lost out on in my childhood.

Soon, I started going to college. I started getting proposals from many guys but I was too scared to get into any relationship. But there was one guy whom I really liked.

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I had a crush on him but never told him how madly I loved him because I knew that my family would never accept us.

After a few days, I went for a friend's wedding. There, one of her husband’s friends proposed to me for marriage. I wasn’t really interested in him so I avoided him. But he managed to get my number from somewhere and started calling me everyday.

Talking to him made me realize that he was a responsible person who was mature enough to handle situations. However, I never said yes to his proposal because I had a crush on my classmate. Unfortunately, my classmate was a playful guy who was not responsible.

During this time, my parents arranged my marriage with a relative, without even informing me!

I was not ready to get married but they started emotionally blackmailing me! They said that they’d die if I didn’t get married.
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But this was the time for me to fight back. I lied to my parents that I was in love someone, just to get out of this wedding.

They abused me, beat me up and looked me in a room!

Somehow, I managed to call my classmate and told him everything that had happened at home. I frankly asked him if he would marry me. He was completely shocked because both of us were of the same age and it wasn’t the age for us to get married. I could understand his situation.

He wasn’t at fault for saying no to me, because he had to think about his own future too.

For two days after that, my phone was switched off. When I turned it on, I got a call from the other guy who was worried about me as my phone hadn’t been reachable. I did not want to tell him what had happened but he forced me to.

I eventually poured my heart out and without even thinking, he said that he would marry me.
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I didn't know what to say so I just cut the call. But my mom heard me speaking to someone and she was convinced that he was the guy whom I was in love with. The lie, which I’d told my parents, just ruined my life further. All this went on for two weeks.

Finally, I came to a decision that I would marry this other guy, not because I loved him but I thought it was better to marry him than some unknown person arranged by my parents!

I had a huge fight with my parents but ultimately got married to this guy. My crush got to know that I was married. His friends started teasing him because they felt that I had ditched him. So, he decided to leave the city and move to Mangalore.

After marriage, I requested my husband that I wanted to continue my education and he permitted me to go to college. When I went back to college, it felt like my first day! Everyone was staring at me, bombarding me with questions. And I had no answers for them.

Everyone knew that I was in love with my crush, so they couldn't understand why I'd married someone else!

My crush started crying when he saw me and looking at his condition, even I couldn’t control my tears. Suddenly, our principal called me to his cabin and told me to stop coming to college. When I asked him what my fault was, he angrily said that I was a bad example for others because I was crying in college.

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I had no option but to go back home. Those were the last 6 months of my course where I had to focus on my studies.

How was I supposed to clear my subjects without attending college!

I was totally confused about what to do. I had no one to support me. Even my husband didn't have a good job nor did we have any financial support from his family because we got married all of a sudden. We faced a lot of challenges. Sometimes, we didn’t even have proper food to eat.

But I was happy because my husband showered me with love, which I had struggled to get all my life.

After about two months, I got to know that I was pregnant. When I told my husband, he immediately asked me to abort the child. But I didn't know what to abort my baby! I started crying and suddenly, he hit me! At that time, even my parents were not talking to me.

He brought me an abortion pill and forced me to eat it. I regret having it! The same night I started bleeding and became so weak that I fell in the washroom.

I was unconscious but he didn’t even bother to come and check on me!

Early in the morning, I regained consciousness and was shocked to see my situation; with blood everywhere in the washroom. Slowly, I managed to get up and clean myself. When I stepped out, I saw him happily sleeping.

I woke him up and begged him to take me to the hospital but he refused. He told me to take rest and nothing would happen. All of a sudden, I saw this new side to him. He had changed completely! 

He started hitting me for stupid reasons and would even throw plates on my face!

But I never told anyone about my problems. I realized that I had to complete my studies by hook or crook. I took notes from my friends and studied from home. I also took up a part time job to pay my fees. Eventually, I managed to complete my degree.

By this time, my parents started talking to me. They liked my husband, so they decided to support him financially in his business. That is when I got another shock of my life.

I realized that my husband had married me just for my property.

He knew that my sister and I were the only kids. Money was all that he was after. He never loved me! We started having frequent fights and he would always hit me and ask for money. I could not share my feelings with him or even talk to him!

He just used me as a servant to do all his work and satisfy him sexually!

I felt depressed and kept waiting for that person who would love me and not my background! After about 3 years, I suddenly got a friend request from my crush.

I accepted it and we started casually talking. I never shared my problems with him but as time went by, he understood my situation. He asked me why I was suffering in that hell?

But I had no choice as it was my decision and now it was too late to regret it.

I realized that he was the only person whom I could share my feelings with.

One day, my husband and I had a huge fight and he came to my office and shouted at me. I was so embarrassed! I walked away from there and decided to leave my husband. I went to the bus stop though I didn’t know where to go or what to do.

Helplessly, I called my crush and told him that I had left my house. He consoled me and begged me to not take any wrong step. He asked me to come to Mangalore. When I reached there, he took me to his house. His mother knew that I was his girlfriend. They asked me everything that had happened.

By then, my husband filed a complaint that I was missing.The police traced my number and checked my call history.

 They came to a conclusion that I’d run away with a boy because I was having an affair with him.

I didn't want my crush to face problems and get a bad name because of me. I didn't want spoil his future. But he didn't leave me. He took me to his native place in Punjab where his family supported me and let me stay in their house.

But my horrible husband bribed the police and got his mother arrested.

The police said that they would release her only if I went back! So I returned and took the complaint back.

Even after all this, my crush says that he will marry me, knowing all my problems. But I don’t want to spoil his life even though I love him a lot.

I am still dying in this hell and don’t know what to do.
Author's Note:

Should I accept his proposal and move on in life? Please help me

Editor's Note:

Share this story to help the author in her decision making. It takes a lot to open yourself up to people's views on such a personal issue.