Where do I begin?

Over the past three years, a chain of events has changed me completely from the inside. There was a time when I used to be a caring, loving and well-mannered person. Today, one would say that I’m cold, loud-mouthed and mean. The worst part is, I wouldn’t disagree.

I try to remember, when, or exactly how, I became like this, but it’s hard to pinpoint this change in my life.
But it definitely has to be because of my marriage. I used to hear about women, who used to mistreat their in-laws openly, with no shame or regret. I used to hate those women, so much that it’s now surprising me how I’m actually one of them. I was once very hopeful of my marriage, I thought it would be beautiful, full of respect and love for my new family.

My Bhabhi shifted in, with my mother after my father passed away. I thought this was such a great gesture. So, I too, thought that living with his parents and looking after them is something that I wanted to do for my new family.

I was proven wrong from the very first day of my marriage. They wanted me to hand over my monthly salary and from that, they would give me some pocket money for me to use. I refused, and I refused loudly.

I was in my late twenties, and was mature enough to manage the money, my money, well. And that’s when the harassment began.

Every day, it was the same topic, complete mental trauma from their side. But I have to thank my mother for my upbringing. My mom is a very strong woman and she always urged me to follow my heart and gave me the courage to do this.

My in-laws repeatedly asked me for my savings; the fact that I was earning more than their son was not hidden. And this became a sore and difficult topic for me. Our fights were daily and it didn’t help me that my husband wasn’t on my side. I would work in the day and then come home, cook, clean-up the dishes and the kitchen and then sit to relax, if was lucky, of course.

It was all so taxing, definitely not something that I was used to in my home, but I didn’t give up. But over time, it pains me to say this, nothing meant anything anymore… I wasn’t happy, but nor was I sad. It was almost as if my life slowly began to lose meaning, minute by minute.

My expectations from my marriage were shattered. And that’s when I started becoming the one person that I hated.

I was blunt, rude, loud and fought them tooth and nail for what I wanted from my life. I made it clear to them, that what I earned from my work, it was for both my families- when the need rose. But that didn’t mean that I was going to give them every rupee. I called my brother and told him about this decision before I had the conversation with my in-laws, he agreed because he knows me inside out, I am not someone who would spend money on trivial things.

Days passed by and their behavior went from bad to worse.

My mother-in-law found faults in almost everything I did. Of course, everyone has a different way of living, so if she had a problem with the way I ran her kitchen, I would have no qualms if she told me these things in a polite manner.

It was painful to hear her remarks, but I listened to it for quite some time now. And so one day, I stood up to her and said, “If you respect me, I will respect you. Otherwise, I am going to be ten times worse than what you could ever dream to be.”

And that’s when it began. They would say one thing, and I would roar ten times louder.

I told my husband that I am financially independent and I demand dignity. I can’t ignore his parents and their incessant remarks. If they didn’t want me, then they and he, should have the guts to ask for a divorce.

With each fight, I felt more empowered and would definitely not be their doormat. I work hard, at work, when I come home; and I have no trouble in doing this for them, but not if they’re going to mistreat and abuse me with their words. I made this clear to him, and to them. But the argument was always the same.

My mother kept asking me not to behave like this, not to behave like my in-laws. She used to warn me that our fights could escalate to a point of no-return, but I didn’t care. Even though my parents raised me well, I didn’t care that I was falling to the level of those uneducated people. I’ve explained to my mother that I’ve tried every single thing- from being polite to ignore them, to finally this.

I know that I’m not the bahu that they dreamed of having, but they aren’t the in-laws that I thought I would get. And this wasn’t the marriage that I expected I would get. So, this is what they have now, a loud, bad-mouthed and grumpy bahu.

But internally, I have never felt this alive or satisfied. I stood up for my dignity and now if my in-laws try to say anything about me or my family, they know the consequences they will have to face.

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