I still fail to understand what exactly the problem is- me being a girl or my expectations from life?

I am 28 years old, born in a Jaat family from Haryana. The starting is the same for every girl in Haryana. Drunk father, very responsible mother but limited only to her household work. She would forget that she was supposed to be a mother too.

I was sexually abused in my childhood by my own relatives. In the beginning, I had no idea that they were actually f***ing me, and later on when I grew up, I realized what it was. I could never gather the strength to speak about it.

I was adopted by my uncle who also had a son. I didn't know that they were not my real parents until I was informed. It's only then I realized why my mother never used to ask me if I wanted to eat something. A glass milk would be shared by the three of them. The dog would also get some, but I got nothing. I realized why I had a mattress in my room which I had to share with the dog while they had beds.

I had a fan in the 48 degree temperature and they had ACs. I was diagnosed with depression while I was in high school. I never had friends in school and no one even knew that I existed. I started college and met a guy. It was a strange feeling as I never knew how love was supposed to feel like. It was him who cared, loved, and respected me.

All of a sudden, I started living a full life, until I got to know that the guy I was dating was getting married to someone else. And then another shock, I never knew his real name. He had lied to me about who he was. I was shattered and heartbroken. I attempted suicide and failed.

Even after 4 years of his marriage, I was still in love with that guy. The only solution to the problem was marrying a guy my parents wanted. I had hoped to find a nice person. I wanted to forget about my boyfriend and move on happily. The hopes and dreams I had were crushed on my first night.

My dearest husband chose to rape me because I denied him sex as it was the second day of my period. I was too tired and scared to participate in the process. And the same thing happened every day and night without fail.

Every day was a saas-bahu drama and nights were when I became a sex doll. I got pregnant within a month of my marriage. Before I could dare to give anyone the news, I got beaten up by my beloved husband for no reason. It was then that I decided to take a strong step and took abortion pills.

Against all odds, I got separated from that person and started working. My life seemed to be on track while I started working with an MNC. I could not dare to see a guy or develop feelings for anyone in the next three years- until I met him.

We became friends at work and it was amazing. I remember the exact words we mentioned to each other- "do not fall for me". And the next thing I know I did exactly what I should not have.

I fell in love with him and he chose the words "do not fall for me". This is all because I am a girl. Or is it because I am born with this fate? I will never know.

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