Dear Future Husbands,
In different facets of life, we encounter certain important people who stay with us forever. At our birth, it is our parents. When we marry, it is our spouse. Being a parent, it is our kids. In my entire life, you would be one of the most important people. It goes without saying, in this patriarchal society, what are my duties as a wife, as a daughter in law, as a mother and as a woman. I can assure you that these duties will be taken care of, better than you would ever have expected since being a woman, this has been seeded in me since my birth. This is also because I believe in giving and spreading love.
However, at the same time, this society does not speak of what a woman desires. I don’t desire materialism, money, a splendid house, fancy dinners, shopping etc. Trust me, I, too, am quite independent and capable of achieving all this by myself.
What is being forgotten in this society, is a mere factor that the girl who has lived 1/3rd of her life with her parents, those who loved her, did anything for her, and pampered her, is used to being accepted the way she is, without being judged.
How is she suddenly expected to change her role and do everything for a totally new set of people, in the blink of an eye?
Though this is right, since this has been the way our society has been, it is also expected that she should be showered with love, care, and understanding, especially from you because you are her better half.
You are the are the only person she counts on as she moves to a new place. You are her only friend there.
I would want you to make me feel my presence in your life, my importance in your life. This one thing along with love and understanding is enough for me to be contented and help me fulfil all my great responsibilities with ease. A girl goes through a very tough time, suddenly entering womanhood from being a pampered girl. It is probably even tougher a job than becoming the CEO of a company.
I simply want you to understand the importance of showing love and compassion, and never make me feel ignored. And if ever unknowingly you do so, just sit back, think and put your feet in my shoes for a moment.
There will be times when I make mistakes, but don’t expect me to be perfect. Treat me like you would a child, once in a while, and try to bear with my vulnerability, when I commit mistakes. Make me realize my mistakes with love, not aggressiveness. There will be many new relations I will be handling being in the new family, so the only relationship where I can be myself, without fearing about being judged would be with you. There might be times when I just can’t handle all the pressure and may burst out in tears or scream at you. I am sorry for this in advance, but it would only happen to you since you are the one I love. You are my friend, and I know that I can vent out my frustration before you without being judged. Don’t you think this says a lot about how important you will be to me?
When I say you are the most important to me, I also understand the sacrifices you would need to make. You may face a tough time to juggle between your family’s expectations and your wife’s expectations, keeping both parties happy at the same time. I will support you here wherever I can since parents are always a priority for me, too.
You too would be under immense pressure post marriage when you take someone else’s daughter along with you, promising her parents to take care of her and keep her happy. Yes, being a woman, maybe I end up venting out my frustration before you sometimes. However, I request you to treat me as your better half and a best friend in the true sense and speak out your emotions before me, too.
We both will step into this beautiful relationship, a true and long-lasting friendship and we shouldn’t make the privilege of expression, gender biased.
I promise to give you my attention and time. However, if ever you ever feel ignored, please tell me. It may happen unintentionally, but I want to keep the communication clear, between us. I understand that you equally need emotional support from me, as much as I need it from you.
Understanding each other’s sacrifices and responsibilities would only increase the respect and love between us, and it would make our bond stronger.
Lastly, I want to say, I do have opinions, and I have made important choices and decisions in my life, marrying you is one of them. Hence, please value my opinion, and always ask for my opinion. There could be times when our opinions differ and yet I may agree to go by your way. However, simply asking my opinion would make me feel like your better half, and it would make me feel worthwhile. Never forget the sacrifices a girl makes to build a family with you, to strengthen the ties in your existing family by almost forgetting her own family, for whom she will constantly be worried even if she wears a smile on her face. All I ask for is your love, care and attention. Is it a lot to ask for?
Yours, Wives to be