I Would Rather Be Alone Than Give Up My Identity For Someone 'Special'

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 31 December, 2017

I am a girl who is 24 years old, and like every other girl my age, I too have a dream of getting married to my dream man. So yes, I finally agreed to let my parents start looking for a groom. I can tell from personal experience that it is difficult to convince yourself to accept the idea of an arranged marriage.

In everyone's life, there comes a time when you realize that you need someone to talk to, someone to share your life with, someone to understand you, and most importantly, you need to love someone and you want someone to love you back.

So in my life also that phase has come and I started talking to guys about marriage. So far I talked to some 3-4 boys. Talking to a boy makes you feel so good so happy and even if you don't want to start looking those all dreams with him. Yeah its quite difficult to stop yourself to do so.

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Getting a marriage fixed is not a small deal. So many men came and went in my life, and I couldn't find a husband in them. I became desperate. I became lonely because I couldn't talk to a man the way I wanted. I almost starting living in a virtual world of my dreams.

Before that I never felt lonely without talking to anyone, I never needed anyone. But now, since there is no one I can talk to, I started feeling empty, I started feeling aimless and the worst thing is that I started feeling frustrated even with small things. In search of someone, I lost myself, I forgot who I was.

Recently, I found a boy who I thought was perfect for me look-wise, family-wise and job-wise. Everything was perfect according to the arranged marriage thumb-rule. I started talking normally to him and it was all perfect initially.

Slowly I started feeling like he doesn't have respect for my thoughts and feelings but I ignored the signs many times, believing that he is the perfect man for me. We fought many times and patched up but at last, when I realized it will not work out, I stopped talking to him and blocked him.

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He tried calling me but I didn't respond. He even came to my city because of his office work and we had a plan to meet too but I didn't meet him. Because I knew I may tolerate him for one day but not for my whole life. He hurt me many times in just a week.

I did begin to love him in many little ways and I even wanted to meet him but I'm not going to do that because I know we'll fall in love if we meet. That can't happen because he's the kind of guy who will never understand me and he's made me feel low far too many times. When he belittles me, I forget who I am and I lose my identity. I can't let this happen all my life.

It's better to be alone than being with someone wrong. Search for someone but not at the cost of losing yourself.
Editor's Note:

Share this story because many young women go through this and they need the reassurance to keep their dream alive.