I Was Forced To Break Up With My Boyfriend Because I Was Older Than Him

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 1 April, 2017

I am a simple girl leading her daily life but it's not that simple after all. I have always felt the need to have somebody who I can hold on to. Not because I am weak or need support, it is because I have always wanted a good friend who'd be there for me in my ups and downs to just listen to my problems and give me advice me.

This problem of mine has led me to a situation that people may call 'immoral'. It all started 5 years ago. 

One of my best friends called me and asked for help. She had fallen in love with a colleague of hers but he didn't respond to her love and so she wanted me to intervene and speak with her crush and tell him how deeply she loves him. So I met this guy and tried to convince him to be with my friend. He clearly told me he just thought of her as a good friend and shared no romantic feelings for her.

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That was the end of discussion for me. I went and tried convincing my friend to forget about this guy because I genuinely believed one can't force somebody to fall in love. In the meantime my friend's crush had an eye on me, which I didn't realise at first. He started texting and calling me more often.

At first it was just talks about my friend as she fell very sick after the rejection. She gave up food and was even hospitalised for a few days. During this time he became a good friend of mine. I realised that he never truly wanted to hurt my friend, he just wanted her to realize that he could not fall in love with her. But he'd often tell me how different it was with me. He would tell me how he could share all these thoughts with me and how we had a connection.

He asked me out soon enough and I turned him down as I couldn't think about being in a relationship with my friend's love. But then his love grew stronger and stronger and the way he cared for me, I could not avoid it. I had a soft corner for him but I didn't realise that it will grow and grow and make me hollow someday.

After a point, I had no options but to say yes to him as I too fell for him. At first I felt guilty. I thought I was cheating on my friend by not telling her about our relationship. Then one day I gained the courage to tell her the truth. She couldn't take it and broke our friendship. I lost a very good friend that day.

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In no time I got really serious in our relationship. Every day I loved him a bit more. But somehow he didn't respond in the same way. I thought he also loved me and wanted to be with me forever but he had different plans. Every now and then he'd tell me, "May be we can't make it together" as I was older.

I assumed he was just being mindful but I never realised he was actually thinking of getting rid of me.

A time came when my parents wanted me to get married, I was 25 then. They had already found a suitable match and wanted me to meet him. I was devastated as I couldn't think about anyone else except my boyfriend. I had to call off the meeting and I told the guy that I could not marry him as I was already in a relationship.

When I asked my boyfriend to speak to my parents, he started making excuses. I had to give a reason for rejecting the guy and so I told the truth to my parents. But at this point of time, my boyfriend backed out.

He thought this was the perfect time to break up and reasoned it out with our age difference and his career planning.
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It has been 2 years since we broke up. I never thought that I will end up alone again. It's sad to be lonely. I never really understood what went wrong. I gave my 100 percent to the relationship but since I was 3 years older to my ex, he always told me it would be difficult for us to get married. I never really understood his point. I was naive as any other girl madly in love.

Was it really my mistake that I was born before him? Was it really my mistake that before the relationship started, he made promises of never leaving me alone? Or was it my mistake to give 100 percent in a relationship?

I didn't know that an age difference could really be the reason for a break up. I thought he loved me but I was wrong. All wrong. It was difficult to believe that someone could fake being in love for 3 long years.

I understood very well why he chose to break up around the time when my arranged marriage meetings started. Because I was 25 and my parents wanted to get me married! Using someone till you don't have to commit is easy but the moment that someone asks for commitment in return is when the truth comes out.

The excuse he made for breaking up was his career. For me, love was always more important than my career or money. I gave myself all the wrong reasons to believe that maybe he was right and may be he did have to focus on his career so he left me. But later I had to make peace with the fact that he had fallen out of love.

The first few days were difficult for me. I couldn't eat or sleep or think. Only thing on my mind was my ex. It took time but I healed. Although today I have healed my broken heart, but maybe I will never be able to heal the broken trust.
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Although I am 27 today and still single and my parents are forcing me to get married, I am still determined to find that one guy out there for me who will never break my trust and leave me alone again. And till that doesn't happen, I will remain happily single.

I still believe there will be light at the end of these dark tunnel.