I Want To Be ‘Happily Married’ So I Have To Hide My Terrible Past Forever

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 27 September, 2018

I know I will remain a heartless person for the rest of my life.

It’s been 10 years now but all those things still haunt me every day. It all started when I was 16 years old. I was in school at that time. I did the same old things that other girls did. I was a shy girl and couldn’t make many friends. I did not interact with others because I had a reserved personality. But I fell for a guy who was 3 years older than me.

We started our relationship like other normal people. We were with each other for 2 years when the bitter truth revealed itself. He had been cheating on me.

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He was actually in a relationship with my sister. She was studying with him. I was heartbroken when I came to know about this. But I left him.

I am a fair, attractive girl with a nice curvy body. So I always got the attention of all the guys. The girls were always jealous of me. Soon, another guy proposed to me.

I accepted his proposal because I just wanted to get over my ex. I started dating him but he too left me after a while saying that he was getting engaged to someone else. I was heartbroken again.

Things continued in the same manner. I never fell in love after that but I did have several other boyfriends and went through an equal number of breakups too. I had my third crush when I was 18. This boy too studied in my class. He admitted that he loved me.  I believed him.

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Months passed and our bond became stronger. I started trusting him and I felt very comfortable with him.

Things changed after a while. One day, he invited me to a birthday party. All my classmates too had come to the party. After the party was over, everyone started going home. We all had a few drinks while we were partying and we were a bit unstable.

This boy took advantage of the situation.

He took me around to show his house. He then ended up kissing me in his room. He had already asked his friends to lock the door from outside. He did all the things that he wanted to do with me and then dropped me home.

When I went to school the next day, everyone was looking at me as if I had done something wrong. I was scared now. Later on, in the evening, my boyfriend showed me a video clip. I got the biggest shock of my life. It was a clipping of a sex video in which my boyfriend and one of his other friends were having sex with me.

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I did not even know that they had done all this to me the previous night. That birthday party now looked like a nightmare to me.

I broke up with him. But I couldn’t tell anyone about it. He now started using that clipping to blackmail me. He turned me into a call girl. All his friends started using me to have fun.

I had to do whatever he wanted because I had no other option. I was deeply hurt when he did all this to me. But I was forced to keep quiet. This went on for two years.

We then finished our 12th standard. Luckily he had to move to another city after that so everybody stopped calling me.

I changed my number and my identity because I did not want to interact with any of them anymore. Things improved in my life after this. But I could not trust anyone anymore. I could not even reciprocate the love of other people.

I lost all hope of ever finding love again when I met another guy who went on to become my best friend. I told him about my past. He was good enough to support me all through my college going years.

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He was like my guardian angel. Whenever anyone treated me badly or called me names, he fought for me. He filled my life with hope again. I finally understood that there were good people too in the world and some of them will really care for you.

After we finished college, he had to go abroad for his higher studies. I continued to study in the same city. I met another guy after this and I fell for him. He too was a caring person and he really loved me. I told him about my past but my life turned into another nightmare after this. He didn’t use me to have sex but he punished me every single day for my past. He would hit me in my private parts, leave me alone in deserted places and torture me in other ways. I kept taking all this quietly. All this continued for another 3 years.

I loved my parents so I did not want to hurt them by telling them about the kind of life I was leading. I wanted them to think of me in a positive manner always. So I decided to leave my city and start a new life. It was very difficult to do this. He didn’t let me do this.

But I just changed my identity so that he couldn’t find me again.

I returned home after I completed my studies. I am 25 now. My parents have found a perfect guy for me. I have agreed to get married to him. I will give him all my love and I am sure he too will love me a lot. But I know that I can never tell him about my past. I am scared of facing any more heartbreaks. I don't want anyone to torture me anymore. I just want to lead a normal life.

I told him about a few of my crushes but I have not told him that I am not a virgin. I am not cheating on him. I am only trying to save my future from my terrible past.

I got engaged to him today. I am going to get married to him next month. He too is yet another guardian angel that God has sent specially for me. I don’t want to lose him because of all the things that happened to me in my past.

Editor's Note:

Let’s share this story because we all evolve into better/stronger human beings after going through bitter experiences in our lives. Our past will always be a part of us. The world may be full of people but it’s rare to find people who understand us and accept us with our flaws. So, sometimes, we must simply snip out parts of our lives to create a beautiful future for ourselves. Maybe at such times, silence too is justified.