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I Touched Another Man That Night But This Is Why I'm Struggling To Tell You

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

Dodo,

I wish I could tell you this but I can’t. I don’t have the guts to. I think I cheated on you. I’m not really sure about it but I think touching another man is cheating.

You are ready to leave your entire family and move to another country for me but look at me sitting here and indulging in self-pity for cheating on you. I wish I knew it would end up like this. I would have never stayed over that night.

You know my house is very far from the airport, I travelled the whole night to catch that early morning flight with you. After the flight, we had to take a bus to reach university. We were so exhausted from the travel that none of us realized when that man laid his hands on me.

He licked my hands, I still did not wake up. He put his hands in my pyjama pockets to explore my behind and I still did not wake up. He slowly raised my hands and put it on his penis but I still did not wake up.

The moment he tried to kiss me was when I woke up and was horrified to see him next to me. He put his hand on my mouth to stop me from shouting but I was anyways unable to scream. Only tears rolled down my eyes as I stared at him unable to believe what had just happened.

When I woke you up to tell you I want to leave, you asked me what happened, I told you he touched me but I was unsure where because I was so tired. You wanted to beat him up but controlled your anger to lay next to me and calm me down.

Next morning when I took a shower, all the memories came back to me and I realized what and all he had done.

It’s been one year but I have still not told you the details, knowing that you will not be able to take it.

Is it my fault that I did not shout? Is it really my fault that I trusted your roommate? Is it my fault that I stayed at your house, knowing that your roommate would be around? Is it my fault that I was sleeping like a log after a day's travel?Is it my fault that I was safe sleeping next to you? Is it really my fault?

I’m sorry I let you down. Just wanted to share with you because I couldn’t deal with it anymore.

Love,
Kiddo

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