Are you ready for the story of the time that changed my life forever?

I come from a conservative family but that didn’t stop my dad always wanted the best education for me. With that single-minded determination and braving all of life’s troubles, he sent me to do my bachelors in one of the better colleges of University of Delhi in spite of the financial problems we faced at home. I was a naive girl from North East India, who didn't know much about boys and their intentions. 

It so happened that I met this guy, Anshul through Facebook and within weeks, we found ourselves having night long chats which turned into a proposal over a text and before I knew it, we were in a "relationship". I was in love with him and his conversations. He was an engineer working in a reputed steel company in Delhi, and though his family stayed in Delhi, he preferred to stay with friends in a rented apartment. When I asked him about this setup, he always said his office was too far from home and Delhi being the big city it is, that was understandable.

But I was going to find the real reason why very soon.

Not even a month into our relationship, he called me to his room to which I obliged without giving a second thought. None of his roommates was there when I reached the place and he took me to the bedroom and closed the door. When he tried getting intimate, I stopped him. He took it in a healthy way at that time. After that, the same story repeated multiple times till it was his birthday. We were almost 4 months into the relationship.

On his birthday, he invited me to his room. As a birthday present, he asked to get relieve him of the pain in his “man parts”. Apparently, my declining him frequently caused him pain down there. When I said NO again, he forced himself on me! I left the place the next morning with an empty feeling inside. This continued for some time. I naively thought that since he had taken my virginity and because he says that he loves me, he will marry me.

I was afraid to lose him and to please him, I stopped saying No and started giving in to his desire. Oh, I was SO wrong.

Every time I brought up the topic of marriage in the next one and a half year, he would ignore me late, he started giving me a lame excuse that his astrologers said he will marry a doctor and not some BSc graduate. I promised him I will be a doctor soon. He would laugh it off.  Soon, he moved to Karnataka and within two months of that, he broke up with me.

I ended up hospitalized. My friends thought it was an epileptic attack, but I knew that it was the shock and guilt of what had happened to me. I couldn't tell anyone all the things that he had done. 

Some months later, he called and inquired if was still pursuing my education. He had assumed I would move back home and stopped my studies. Today, I am still trying to keep up to my promise to him and my parents to get that "Dr" title before my name by getting a PhD. I don’t hate him anymore. I hate myself for being so naive. I still have his phone number and the day I get my PhD degree, he will be the next person to know after my parents.

My parents look for grooms for me. I am too scared to tell them that their perfect daughter is not a virgin. I am scared that my husband-to-be will find out even if I don't tell him and if I tell him, nobody will marry me or I will end up in a bad marriage. 
My first relationship was with the person I loved with all I had, but It was also ruined my life. I don't hate him but I can’t ever forgive him.

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