I Married My Lover But I Don't Want My Upbringing To Go to Waste

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 28 August, 2017

Life is the best teacher. It teaches us something new every day, every minute, till our last breath. Aging is inevitable and as we grow old, we collect a bag full of happy and not-so-happy moments.

Here, I do not call any moment sad, because everyone has a different perception of life and what may be sad for one, may not be such a big deal for another.

What I have understood so far in life is that education, a liberated heart and money are a few essentials that every human needs to lead a dignified life. Blessed are those who are born or live amidst people who nurture the true value of life. Such people know the very purpose of existence.

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However, here I am not referring to those who preach about God or godliness of any kind. I am lucky to have been born into one such family, in Jaipur.  It was a big, fat, service - class Hindu family where almost everyone priced education more than anything else. Each child of the family was brought up with much love and care.

Every member of my family had a fairly decent IQ, harmless emotions and monthly salaries that went into nurturing one another. It was also a place where everyone worked - from my grandmother to the youngest person in the family. Just like my siblings and cousins, even I was reared with care, affection and was given small responsibilities to fulfill. All this turned us into bold, confident and independent young adults.

When I turned 21, I graduated as an Engineer and further pursued Marketing for my Masters. After this, I worked for 4 years with a city based insurance consultant. While I was making my way up in the professional world, a man came in my life.

I married him in the year 2013. Four years later, all that I learnt at my parents' place seems to be of no value at my in-laws' house. Back at my parents' home, I used to wake up early, but here, at my in-laws', this habit turned against me as everyone else woke up late.

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I too was expected to work endlessly here, just like the other women of the house, so that the men and children could live their lives comfortably. I do not have a problem with the workload at home, for I can manage it all.

But what irritates me is my mother-in-law's attitude towards it. I respect her identity but she does not respect the way I want to live my life.

After every work, I have to listen to her performance remarks which are rarely positive. Why are girls susceptible to judgement for every little thing they do? Neither are my efforts at home appreciated nor are my efforts at earning and contributing to the family expenses looked up to.

I don't seek appreciation for anything I do, but I do not want to face sarcasm either. I simply want to convey that I am an individual and all I want is freedom to be. The other members of my family, who witness all this aren't bothered to maintain peace at home. To them, this behavior is normal and happens with every girl. This may be their reality, but I have seen better at my parents' home. I am trying to excel both in my personal and professional life, every day.

But what is wrong will remain wrong and it cannot be categorized as "right" just because it is stated so by my mother-in-law.
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I am not getting hopeless but yes, as time passes, I believe that my past could have been better, that my early married life could have been better. The "Man" of the family should take a stand to maintain peace at home instead of staying mum and hoping that time will heal things. As for me, I believe that only love can make life worth living. I just want to get up and say a NO to whatever I don't like, much the same way I did, before my marriage.

I hope I have the courage to do so. I hope to lead my life with the value sets my parents taught me without worrying about upsetting anyone.