I Made Bad Decisions All My Life Because Of Him Until My Father Put A Full Stop To It

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 12 June, 2017

I’m not anonymous, let’s call me Spineless. Seems a little unreal, now that I’ve said it out loud. But once you read what I have to say, you’re going to understand why.

I don’t know how to make decisions; whether I’m emotionally hurting or if I need to make a major career move, I can’t make any decision for myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an indecisive person, but, I can’t seem to say no or understand when it’s time to let go.
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And in retrospect, I believe I’ve ruined two lives because of this: mine and the most caring, smart and friendly man I’ve met. Let’s go back a few years.

I was a tomboy growing up. And as all college tomboys go, my best friend was beautiful. I was “the girl with the brains” and wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. And then I entered college: I began vying to be noticed, by men.

My best friend obviously had no dearth of men approaching her and almost everyone wanted to be her friend; it was one of those typical situations: everyone wanted to either be her, or with her. And me, somehow, I became the messenger.

I hate to admit this, but needless to say that over time, I became desperate.

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Bad Decision 1:

So much so, that within a year of college, I started dating someone who was emotionally abusive and had even slapped me once. Within six months, I decided to leave him.

You’d think this would be the first of my steps in a sensible direction…

Well. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

It was after a year that I met Samarth. He was everything that I knew I wanted in my life.

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He noticed the little things about me and needless to say, I fell for him before I knew it. I didn’t know how he felt about me but one day, while walking in a park near my college, I decided it was time to find out.

I asked him out and he laughed, held my hand and said, “I’ll always be yours.”

I know what you’re thinking, it’s the perfect beginning. It was the ending- rather the journey that has left me second-guessing. Samarth and I were in a long-distance relationship for more than two years. Soon he was caught up with work and I with B-school. Neither of us had the time to talk, but oddly, we had all the time to fight.

I want to say that we fell apart because of our fights, but I have to say, the only reason we didn’t hold on, was because of Ritesh (name changed).

Bad Decision 2:

I met him in B-school and he made me weak in my knees. I don’t know why, was it because of the distance? Or the fights with Samarth? But, it was easy and finally I tried to break up with Samarth, without even softening the blow – yup, I told him all about Ritesh.

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Samarth tried to convince me not to leave, and somehow, I agreed. By now, our parents knew about Samarth and I. They had a huge role to play in this decision of mine. He was already family for them.

I tried to stay away from Ritesh, but it proved to be too difficult. A few months later, I told Samarth the same thing again, I couldn’t do this but once again, he convinced me to hold on to “us”.

Bad Decision 3:

I did.

Soon, I was done with my MBA and landed my dream job. Landed it, and then lost it. I’m going to call this, karma in motion.

And so, I tried to make another decision: I wanted to study abroad- 5 years. I told Samarth this, and once again, he convinced me to reconsider and not go.

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Bad Decision 4:

Once again, I listened to him and decided to look for another job instead.

The Concluding Decision:

Thankfully, this time, my father made a decision here. His parents called my parents. They had heard about my dreams for an education abroad. They spoke with dad about how they weren’t comfortable with this.

And for the first time in a long time, the sun came out shining on my side.

My dad told them that they valued my career more and he would never stop me from making any decision that would hinder it. And that’s how I finally got to end my relationship with Samarth.
Author's Note:

I keep wondering, I know we’re all here to make some pretty bad decisions. But what if, I would have been stronger and told Samarth that I couldn’t be with him anymore? What if I did follow my gut and told Ritesh how I felt about him? What if I strongly told Samarth I was going to study – wouldn’t I have been prouder of myself for actually taking these decisions myself? Instead of waiting for life to play out the way it did.

Editor's Note:

Share this story because there are bad decisions, and then there are lessons learnt. It's essential that we understand this difference and in the future, be wiser than we were yesterday before making decisions.