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I Knew All Along That He Wasn’t The Right Guy For Me But I Couldn’t Stop Myself From Loving Him

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

It started when I was pursuing my post-graduation. He was a senior at my college. We started talking daily; we would exchange chats and calls. The way he took care of me made me fall for him. He was frank and that was what I appreciated, at least that was what I thought. One day, he came to know that I liked him, and then he started talking about kisses and getting close. I did like him but when he kept saying that his family would never agree for us and that’s why we should keep us a secret, I never agreed to his wishes and we fought. He blocked and unblocked me many times. Even then, I used to talk to him, reply to his message and the same story would repeat again.

It went to such an extent that I wanted to end my life. I didn't know whom to trust.

His friends told me things like he already had a girlfriend and also drinks alcohol. They would say that he wasn’t a good person but then, they would themselves spend time with him and hanged out together. With so much confusion in my life, I got so depressed that I felt like ending my life. In his defence, he had said that he never messaged her; someone else did it by using his phone. Are you serious?

Time passed and we started talking again. He would still ask for the kisses and all. We again fought and since I couldn’t trust him so nothing happened between us.  Later, I asked him that I didn’t want to see his face again. While he kept his words, he completely avoided and ignored me in the last months of his college days. Even I tried to move on but I still couldn’t get over him.

I knew I had fallen in love with this guy who just wanted to play with me.

After his college days were over, he got a job in another city and left. I messaged him one day just to thank him for not creating any scene in the college. But he started initiating the conversations again and would ask me things like, “Do you still like me? Do you have a boyfriend or not? I’m single too.” He would show interest in me for the time being and start ignoring again. But now he was far off and I wouldn’t meet him anyway so what chance he had to even have sex with me if he wanted. It confused me. I knew he was from a rich background and people tend to say things but maybe, it was true that he wasn’t the good person he presented himself to be. So it was my turn. I did the same by saying that I liked him but I didn’t want to get physical. I asked him to stay just as friends.

As expected, he took me for granted and ignored me a lot.

He would reply late to my messages, even then I would ask him things I wanted to know. So one day, I asked him if his rumoured classmate was his girlfriend. I knew he would help her with her projects and all. But he said that he didn’t have any girlfriend and who was spreading all the rumours about him. And disappeared again. I asked him if he would reply or not. But he said that why I always kept asking about his girlfriend. So I frankly told him that I was thinking of you as my boyfriend but you had no interest. After hearing that, he blocked me and this was my last straw. So I texted him this time that if he didn’t have those intentions with me, then he shouldn’t have said things like he wanted kisses and had feelings for me. He didn’t reply.

So I politely sent him a screenshot through another application and asked him not to reply to me as I know what a liar he was. And then I blocked him from everywhere.

I know it made him angry. He had unblocked me from his chats but I had blocked him too so I couldn’t receive his messages. He called me to scare me but I blocked him there too. He had taken a new number when he shifted to the new place and had previously called me for some information. And he had said me that it was his brother number and not to call on this number again, but I knew he was lying so I saved it anyway. I blocked that number too. Then he messaged me saying that the only thing he knew was what I was and so never to contact him in life. I didn't reply. He called again from two of his numbers but I had blocked them. He called from another number, I just cut the call and blocked it also.

He says that he knows what kind of a person I am, but does he? I was the person who loved him even after knowing his faults and cared about him.

I only wanted to see him happy but now he is scared that I might use those screenshots and send to that girl. He doesn’t know that I have all our chats saved from the beginning and if I wanted I would have sent it months ago. I could have easily destroyed his name when he was in college. But I cared about him and gave him chances.

The day he started talking after he left, there was no need for him to try to use me anymore. No way could he have got that chance but a good friend in each other. He lost that chance also, I am glad even when I loved him I kept the difference between right and wrong and never let him touch me. Or even went out with him.

I am now scared of what he might do as he knows now I have proof which could cause him a problem.

But I have faith that I didn't do anything wrong and so nothing will happen. I will wait now that he somehow gets his karma and he changes into a good person. I know he has the potential. He comes from such a good background, I don’t know why they have to try to use a girl. I wish he turns into a good person he pretends to be but before that, I wish nothing happens to me.

I am scared and have to care full that he doesn't harm me in anyway.

This is the Indian society where people blame the girls and they live a scared life.

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