I Kept Fighting To Be With The Ambitious Woman I Fell In Love With For Nothing
It was January 2009, I was in my last semester of Engineering, when I met her through Orkut. Eventually I came to know that she was my classmate's sister. So it helped both of us to get connected and talk. After we met, we used to talk whenever we got the time. Sometimes over the phone and sometimes over gtalk. Initially we were just very good friends. But after 4-5 months of interaction, we started liking each other and finally I asked her if she would like to be my lady. That time she was in her 11th standard. Yes, you will say it's too early for a girl or a boy to decide such things.. But honest speaking, at that moment, I found her to be very different from the other girls I knew.
She was quite mature and she had the sense of responsibility at all times, that eventually made me fall in love with her. She accepted me the way I am.Share this quote
We had great times together. We used to talk on different topics, we used to dream about us, about our future together. I used to help her in her studies after coming back from office at night. I always wanted her to be an independent woman. But above all, I wanted to be a part of her journey. I used to tell her that "You have to study well and have to be established in your life. I am with you and will be with you my entire life. Don't worry."
She was not just the love of my life. I used to consider her as my best friend and I wanted her to be with me for my whole life. Everything was going on perfectly. We both were really happy in our relationship as both our parents also accepted us emotionally despite the caste differences. She is Brahmin and I am not.
She passed her 12th grade soon with good marks and got admission into English Literature at a college located close to her place. She was a talented girl who had a good sense of art, like painting, singing, dancing and many other such fields. I admires her passion for art. I always tried to motivate her and all was going well too. But then after 4 years of our relationship, I felt the change in her behavior.
It was year 2013 when I started feeling the change. She used to remain silent and depressed all the time. Whenever I asked her, "What happened?" She used to say, "Nothing". I was going through a financial crisis at that time and being in IT sector, I was trying for an onsite assignment for a few months, so that I could save some money for my future. At that point, she suddenly asked me, "Why don't you read literature?" and I was just shocked by this question.
It is not like I didn't like literature, but being from an Engineering background and in IT sector, I always had to keep myself updated on the latest technology and needed to study them. To me studying literature at that time was like luxury and not necessity. I tried to make her understand that it was tough for me to do that as I was already stressed about my profession along with some financial issues.
After a few days, I flew abroad for 3 months on an assignment. I used to call her everyday from there. She gave me 2 novels so that I could spend my time there reading them. I took them on and also completed them in 3 months. During my tenure in abroad, I had to do everything alone. Office work, cooking, washing clothes, ironing clothes, daily grocery shopping , everything. Then also I tried to read those novels only for her so that she could feel comfortable with me to discuss things. But I was not meeting her expectations.
One day I was just wandering here and there alone in a foreign city, and I was missing her. I just called her up and said the same and in reply, she told me to go to a sex worker to fulfill my needs. I felt dejected.Share this quote
Slowly she started mentioning a name, he was her college professor and she used to praise him immensely. I thought he was a good teacher. But slowly I realized, she had different feelings for him. He was very friendly and motivated his students a lot. I asked her if she had a soft corner for him. She said "May be or may not be". Then to be sure, I asked her to talk to him and express her feelings for him. Initially she hesitated but finally she confessed. And he said her liked her too. But since he was married, he couldn't be anything but more than a good friend to her. I also didn't interfere in their friendship. But things were not like before. Somewhere I could sense the difference in her. She was mostly influenced by him, by his feminist lectures.
Slowly she started fighting with me for several things. She even told me that "a person can love multiple people in the same way, that includes physical relationships." And I was against such thinking because I believe it is not possible to love many people the same way at the same time.Share this quote
Everyday she used to say something that was actually not feminism but she used to tag them as feminism. The whole thing went on for 2 years and I never let anyone know about this. Not even our parents and friends.
Once we had planned that after her M.A, we will get married as we had been together for a while and then she will continue her studies and career aspirations. Also, she will get full support from us. In 2015 Feb, suddenly she called me and told me, if I want to marry her, I need to wait for 5-7 years after her Masters until she completed her PhD. That time she was in her first year of Masters.
She hadn't even cracked UGC-NET till then. I asked her why. She told me, "Why do women always need to get married before they make their careers?" "Why a woman can't get married after she makes a name for herself?" Then I told her that, "You could do that if you were not in a relationship or in a relationship with a person of the same age as you. But I am five years older, that is why I am asking you for it."
Then she told me that her college professor had asked her not to get married so early because she was capable of really doing well in her career. When she told him about our plans of getting married, he told her to get sexually involved with me so that I didn't get frustrated.
I politely told her, "You have all the rights to take decisions about your career and life. But we've been involved for a long time. We had so many dreams together. I want you in my life and I can't stay away from you anymore. It has been 6 long years since we had been in this relationship like this. Moreover we both had planned together that we will get married after your Masters." She told me, "Sorry, but I can't. I want to pursue my career for now."
In that moment, tears came rolling down my cheeks. "I think our relationship means nothing to you. So let me make you free forever. You are free to live your life, make your career the way you want to. I am not going to interfere in your life." Then I cut the phone.Share this quote
She tried to call me several times but I didn't receive those calls and I did that for the next 4 months. Everyday I used to cry alone thinking about her. After 4 months, her elder sister called me and said she was crying a lot and she wanted to talk to me. I didn't want to talk to her but I couldn't resist myself from listening to her voice. She was crying like hell and I couldn't see her like this.
I asked her to come to my place with her sister and parents next day. Because this time our parents also got involved. They tried to solve our problems and her parents asked me to be with her for a few more months before taking any drastic decision. So with due respect, I gave it one more chance.
It seemed like things were falling in place. We were getting back on track. I asked her to take another year after her Masters to prepare for NET and postponed my marriage till Dec 2017/Jan 2018. She also agreed to that. But in Feb 2016, she finally told me, that she was not able to convince herself to get married until she was established and hence, she asked me to get married to someone else with whom I could be happy.
That day I realized I have no one in my life except my parents who did everything for me selflessly. I trusted her through all these years and she broke my heart. On the last day, I just told her - "Take care of yourself and do whatever your heart says." And I came back home with tears in my eyes.Share this quote
It has been more than a year since our break up and we never communicated again after that day. I still remember the moments we spent together. The warmth of love we shared with each other. I still miss her. But now, things have changed. Though I am still single, my self-respect doesn't allow me to call her back.