I Give True Love A Chance Each Time, But The Men Only Use Me And Disappear

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 28 February, 2018

I am a 22-year-old girl and a civil engineering student. This combo is considered rare by many. Maybe that's the reason why I'm experiencing what I am going through. I am not a conventionally beautiful girl. I'm fat since childhood and I am highly depressed. Even in our college, there are too many girls, and all of them are beautiful according to regular beauty standards.

In my 2nd year, I had a major crush on one of our seniors, he was in his final year at that time. Once in a midterm exam, we sat together, and that was the first time I saw him and felt something for him. I never saw him again, except once or twice during exams and presentations. Eventually, he graduated. One year later, we met on Facebook, that was the best day of my life! I had a feeling that he's interested in me, and he was. So our chats went longer and we got closer.

We were sexting after a few weeks itself. I was madly in love, but he was not. This chatting soon ended abruptly. And he didn't talk much except for once or twice. We are now like strangers.
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He never said that he loved me, it was only I who felt that way, and so got my heart broken. I hated myself for the love that I believed was there and tried to forget him. Meanwhile, one of my good friends started acting strange and seemed interested in me. I don't know if it's true, but he seems to be interested in sexting only. This makes me hate myself even more. I think I can never get true love.

Why do I always attract what I don't want? I can't say anything to these boys, because it was not their fault. They didn’t make any false promises and they were clear about their intentions. It was me who let them break down my walls.

But also, I can't keep it in, that is why I'm telling my story here. It might seem funny, but that is how I really feel. My depression has gotten even worse, there are many stories behind this state of my mind, and this one is the most recent.

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