Domestic Violence abusive relationship indian woman

I Get Nightmares Because He Hits Me: I Still Want To Marry Him

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*For representational purpose only.

You realize that something is wrong in your relationship when you get nightmares instead of dreams. My boyfriend and I are in a relationship for the past 5 years, and 2 years out of that we were only good friends.

Everything was beautiful in the beginning. He would do anything and go to any extent for my happiness.

He was so crazy about me that once he had a heated argument with his mother and broke a glass panel with his wrist. He then drove 10 km with a bleeding wrist only to see me and collapsed once he saw me. He was madly in love with me. We both are from different religions. Therefore, I already knew that neither side of the families is going to accept our relationship. It was a rather hard road ahead for both of us. But, I've never seen him worry much about it though. Soon after our relationship began, everything started falling apart. Our expectations were at each other's throat, slowly this turned into arguments then verbal fights. But what I didn’t see coming was his raised hand on my body. At first, I froze at the intensity of his anger for petty things.

All his actions were later held against me stating that I was the culprit, and he would hit me to make me realize that I was wrong.

He told me that because of my words everything between us was going wrong. Whenever I would open my mouth he would warn me that he will hit me. After graduation, he moved to another city which made things worst. He would visit me once a month for 2 or 3 days at the max, only to argue with me the entire time. Strangely, he had an explanation for everything that he did wrong. I would find out that he was lying, and he wouldn't accept it at first but after few heated arguments, he would give in. It was my mistake that I gave him so many chances. I regret it, but I love him. I love this man from my heart and soul. I am also a woman who believes in self-respect. A few years into our relationship, he stopped respecting me and made my self-confidence die. He physically abused me then apologized later and promised he wouldn't ever do it. It became a never-ending pattern. Now he is pursuing his masters in another country some thousands of kilometres away from me. He still says that he is going to marry me one day. I can fight a whole war to still marry him. I hope that he will change one day and will love me like he used to. Maybe I am a fool to believe that this would happen to me.

But, I want to be a fool in love rather than be intelligent enough to marry a total stranger.

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