I Gave Up All My Dreams To Be A Part Of My Heartless Husband's Family Only To End Up In A Cage

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 10 July, 2017

Mine is a love marriage. I married a Rajasthani boy. We met online, and I did not know him or his family. I am a Maharashtrian girl born and brought up in a progressive family in Mumbai. We fell in love, met, and one day I decided to marry him. We did not inform our parents. He is a doctor. After marriage, I stayed back with my parents.

We got married officially in 2013. At the time of our marriage, my husband was working in Delhi. I had so many dreams. I left everything for this guy, and married him against all odds. I did not know about his culture. But he has visited our house in Mumbai many times. He knew that I did not do any household work.

I am a single child and we always had domestic help at home. He told me that he will work hard and complete his post graduation. Meanwhile, he took many wrong decisions. He never considered me in his future decisions, never thought that my life is also associated with his.

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As I am from Mumbai and I had grown up seeing the women of my family excel in life, I thought that my husband will provide me an atmosphere where I could fulfill my dreams and live a life that I always dreamed of. I had simple expectations from him.

But suddenly, he left the job and tried transferring to rural Rajasthan. That did not work out. He had only one option- study hard and get the post graduation done. He never stuck to one job. He left so many jobs. I started staying with my in-laws in a joint family. It was very difficult for me to adjust here with these conservative minds. But still, I managed it in the hope that some day this will change, some day he will realize something. But he never studied. He just did time pass, watched TV, visited his relatives, and never ever thought about me. He wanted to enjoy his life. He did so. But never considered thinking about me.

He went anywhere he wanted. He kept me between the four walls of his house where it was not allowed for bahus to move out alone, or allowed to enjoy their life. I told him about this, but he told me to "adjust". He told me that we will settle down in some good city, but he never took the step. I told him about my desires, my wishes, but he neglected them all. He always told me that it was not possible in his house. He wanted me to change 100 percent but never changed himself nor did he try to change the mindset of his family members.

He goes out without informing me, never considers even telling me. Are my sacrifices worth this guy's behaviour? I feel that getting married to this guy was a big mistake. I chose to get married with him. SO many people told me not to do so. But I never listened. I can't think like these people. I can't be like them. I am a journalist who worked for the rights of women. And MY husband always wanted me to be perfect, keep everything in place, maintain cleanliness- basically be domestic. But being a doctor, he does not have basic manners. He never puts his chappals in the stand, he never puts garbage in the dustbin, never keeps vessels in the sink after eating, and he wants me to be perfect in each and everything.

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I thought he would support me, or do something for my career. But that never happened. He went out but never thought of me. I wanted him to change a bit in his family and he put everything on me. He wanted me to accept his baseless culture. I did that also. But he never appreciated me. He always showed me my mistakes in front of others, always shouted at me, never understood me. I feel like leaving him as I have no feelings for him anymore. I was a happy-go-lucky person but now I am very much depressed.

I control myself but cry a lot. I am staying with him because of social stigma.

I work as a freelancer. I am living just because I have to. I have lost interest in life and feel like killing myself but I don't have that courage. I am very confused. What right does he have to ruin my life like this, to kill my dreams like this? I really feel like leaving him as I can't live a life between these four walls. What should I do? I never see any future with him.

Emotionally, mentally and physically, I am all alone. I want to break this cage and leave this heartless and indifferent husband.