I Fell In Love With Him When I Was 23 And We Were Happily Engaged Until This Started Happening

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 28 May, 2017

I met him when I was 23. It all happened at my first job. We were at the same workplace and I think it was bound to happen. He was a sweetheart. He treated me like I meant everything to him. I suddenly started feeling like I was living my childhood dream. Being loved is precious. It's a feeling I cannot express in words.

But everything changed when we got engaged. I can't forget how happy both of us were to be officially together.

Some things seem happy in the beginning. But I think that happiness of ours was short lived. His family moved to our city and everything changed. Born and brought up in Mumbai, I had liberal thoughts and values ever since I understood the ways of the world. I believed in gender equality. I think many girls believe in it. Some say it, some don't. When I got engaged, I didn't even know how to cook, how to clean or how to wash my clothes.

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I never had the time to learn to do all this. I was busy with my career, and my mother never forced me to do household chores. She always said "Aage jakar ye sab hi karna hai, don't do it now". I never understood that statement then.

Our courtship lasted for one and a half year and during this time, everything changed for me. I have always been strong opinion-ed on the outside while I am a very emotional person inside. I believe in voicing my opinions and that is something I am really appreciated for at work. But in his family it was different. I was constantly made fun of and ridiculed because I didn't know how to cook and clean.

I was demeaned. Even before I was married, his sisters passed remarks at me every now and then about the way I chose to handle the house.

My fiancé kept on telling me to understand their intentions and told me not to feel hurt because he thought it was all said in good spirit. I obviously didn't feel like that. I fought with him. I cried. I discussed my issues with him. But nothing made me feel better. Though he loved me a lot and still does, he could never say a word to his sisters and his mother.

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I never understood why voicing his opinion about a wrong thing was so difficult for him. I came from a very well settled background into a not-so financially stable family. The pressure of making money and doing well in my career was always on my mind. But with all this household hassle, I couldn't concentrate on work. In fact, the most comfortable relationship in my life became so bad that every day we ended up fighting with each other.

We ended up telling each other that it would be better to part ways and move on. But we held our relationship together despite what was happening at home.

I tried being calm at first, but with every incident, I was getting weaker. I felt as if I was not good enough for him or his family. I was asked how much money my parents would give me at my wedding. The gold that my parents were going to give me was very important to my in-laws. What my parents would give to my fiancé, they asked. And the worst was yet to come.

They wanted a house from my parents as a wedding gift. Even after this, my fiancé didn't say a word to his mother. When he told me that he wouldn't accept such gifts, it momentarily made me feel better.

But the thought of dowry made me so uncomfortable that for a week I didn't want to step into that family's house. I didn’t want to see their faces. At the same time, the feeling of leaving my house and going to a new family kept on haunting me.
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It is a big compromise that a girl makes for her husband. And beyond that, a number of things are expected out of her. She should balance work and house. She should act like a maid and not be treated as important as her husband. Her job is to keep smiling and be quiet. I think that's the perfect definition of a so called bahu.

I still try to be calm but I have realised one thing. If I don't stand up for myself, no one else will.
Author's Note:

All the women out there who are struggling, you should have the courage to stand up to your opinion. I wish you become bold. I wish we all become bold.