I am a 36-year-old lady. At the age of 12, I fell in love and at the age of 19, I eloped with him as my parents were against our marriage. Today he is my husband for the past 17 years. I have always loved him from the bottom of my heart, always. But after a few years of our marriage, our financial struggles forced him to go out of town and work. I was left alone with a 3-year-old child.
He would visit me every 3 months for a few days. He would come home, have sex and go out at night.
He said it was for work. I never questioned where he went or with whom he was every night. Time flew and 4 years passed like this. I was totally lonely. He was emotionally absent from our marriage. Often, I used to warn him that if he did not give time to me, my loneliness was pushing me into depression, but he never heeded. Maybe he was right. Our financial needs were more significant. But neither was I wrong.
Just a few months before we actually started living together finally, someone came into my life. I was so broken that I couldn't resist him.
He was none other than my childhood friend who knew me since birth. We became committed to each other. He filled the vacuum in my life. I never wanted to cheat on my husband but he was never there when i needed him. My husband knows everything about us and so does my friend's wife. It's been 4 years since I met my friend last. But we are still in touch.
My feelings and love for my husband have withered off. No matter how much I try, I just can't love him.
No matter how much I try, I can't forget my friend. We don't want to destroy each other's marriages, but we neither can kill the love we behold in our hearts for each other. My husband is a good man but I am a failure at loving him. I wish there was some way I could force myself to love him. I don't want to hurt him but despite desperate attempts, I just can't feel that love. I hope and pray that the mess of my life should not be repeated in anyone else's life. Too much neglection stifles even the strongest relationships.