I Didn't Know What My Life Could Be Like Until I Began Living Alone In This City

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 2 August, 2018

The sequence of actions I usually follow each morning and night strangely fabricate me into a solitary and a companionless 23-year-old woman, or rather more of homesick, in spite of the fact that I am always encompassed with ostensibly disparate homo sapiens around me in the office. I have always been dependent in my life, in each and every situation, there was my family, friends, and my partner (or to abbreviate these closed ones, I call them home) to support and push me when I was feeble, puny, fragile or lacked the strength to face a certain situation. Maybe that's why I feel a little homesick here in Bombay.

My husband and my parents live in Jaipur. I've always had a longing to work for a magazine so I was working as a Print Journalist in Mumbai. My husband supported me in my decision to work in Mumbai. He is a man of 27 years of age, fairly good looking.

His hair even makes me feel covetous, the way they fall facilely on his forehead makes him even more attractive.
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His smile is one of a kind, the kind which can easily strike a women's heart and can pave its way deep into her mind and soul. My husband was a perfect partner a woman can dream of. He always took the lead and it never perturbed me for I did not possess the qualities of a leader but can offer my shoulder to my loved ones or can be a great consociate if one needs me.

I practiced as a dentist in Jaipur but was not satisfied with my job.

I always wanted to do something creative, it took me some time but gradually my mind shifted towards writing. So I took the decision of coming to Mumbai and explore the complexities of life. I was always protected by my family from the real struggles of life and for once, I wanted to be a little independent in life. Although I knew this wasn’t going to be easy for a person like me but I agreed to take on this challenge, and live and explore a life of my own.

My job was going fairly well. I realized that the time was important to be treated in the way the authors and the poets and other great men have mentioned in their sayings and other works. I had many colleagues but not friends here, for people in this city hardly have time to invest a part of life in dealing with friendships. But that doesn’t mean people here do not make friends or relationships, it's just that my definition of friendships and relationships differs.

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I liked working in my office because of the kind of work I was doing. It was boundless and my mind opened its doors effortlessly when dealing with work.

I was kind of used to my life now. I talk to my family each day on Skype but I always felt something was missing. I mean, of course, I was happy with my job and everything. I attended late night parties each weekend which were a part of my job and every day, I was introduced to a new being though most of them were forgotten as soon as the night ended.

One day, I decided to have a coffee date with myself about which I read in a blog that sometimes one needs to take a break from the daily routine and relax.

And so, what better than a Starbucks can offer? I ordered one cafe mocha and was playing the role of an observant. Outside it was raining heavily and people, as usual, didn’t even have the time to let the rain finish its work. They were not bothered by the fact that they would fall sick but were more concerned about reaching their workplace on time. I found myself really lucky that day for that reason.

The waiter came with a big smile and a personalized coffee for me. I thanked him with a smile and he smiled back. His smile was strangely satisfying to me.

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He said, "You are too young to be a wife."

I stared at his face blankly and bugged out. He must have guessed it from the 'mangal sutra' I was wearing. Yes, I love wearing it. His smile went off like a shot and he said, “Uh-oh! I am sorry, ma'am, but that was one of my catastrophic attempts to compliment you.” I giggled a little inside and said, “It's alright dear and thanks for the compliment.” He smiled back and this time, it was a kind of a nervous smile. To make the situation a little less awkward for him, I asked him to take a seat. He denied, saying that he was not allowed to as he was on duty. I asked him why he was working here as he seemed too young to work. He looked like he might be 19 or 20 years old.

He said, “Ma'am, to survive in this city my music is not enough. I have to do this part-time job. By the way, I do many concerts around the city.” So I said, “Oh, that's amazing! I would love to hear you sometime.” He seemed pleased and gave me an invite for his concert, I took the card and kept it inside my bag.

Next day, I had a very busy schedule in the office. I had to come up with an idea for my next article in the magazine. I had a presentation also, which was about to begin in an hour or so. In spite of the fact that I was fairly prepared, I had this propensity of freaking out before any important event.

My heartbeat was running a marathon and my palms began sweating.

These kinds of situations made me homesick. The meeting was scheduled in a resort. I was sitting there beside the pool with my colleagues and we were discussing the same old clichéd topics. My husband hadn’t called me since two months and neither did I. I understand that he is a busy person, trying to make strenuous efforts in expanding his business but taking out just a minute of his schedule can do him no harm. My husband is great and never denies anything I ask for yet there is something that remains unspoken. Even after three years of our marriage, we never had sex. He sometimes just gives me a peck on my cheeks but never touched me with such desire and intensity I demand. Maybe it's his work that keeps him away from me. I ran out of thoughts as soon as I heard a loud music from the other side of the resort, perhaps some event was going to take place there.

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My presentation went fine. After the presentation and the party, I proceeded towards my home. As I was getting in my car, I saw the same coffee guy outside the resort. I waved at him and he quickly recognized me with a smile. I asked, “Hey, how come are you here?"

"I had a concert here. Then I had some work to complete so I stayed back and now my car has got some issues.” To which I replied, “Well, you can stay at my place today. It's just 3 km away from here.” He shilly-shallied at first, but I finally convinced him to come. We talked for hours through the drive and at my place.

I poured him some wine and we were all good to talk again.

It's been months since I have been able to talk to someone for hours; the time was just flowing away with his words. It was four by then. I recommended that it would be a good time to sleep now as we both had work the next day.

As I was about to move from the couch, he suddenly held my hand. I could sense that he was about to kiss me and so I quickly moved away.

The awkward silence prevailed. To break the silence he said, “I think we should sleep now, I have to rush tomorrow.” I didn’t realize that I was constantly staring at his face, he was cute. I came close to him and kissed him. I was carried away by his charm and was not able to stop myself. We ended up having sex.

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The next morning, I had a strange feeling. But I liked it. I was feeling guilty for the fact that I was not feeling guilty. I looked at the young guy on my bed sleeping like babies. I made him some coffee and served him with a smile, he quickly woke up and held me close and kissed me passionately.

This was exactly what I was missing.
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