I Can't Love My Husband The Way He Deserves To Be Loved And I Was Too Late To Find Out Why

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 6 May, 2018

It took me a long time to realize it, but once I came to know that I was really, truly lesbian, I had no reason to react.

I was already married and I had a child. 

My story began in an era in which I completely believed that love happened only between opposite sexes. In my world, it was the only natural and normal phenomenon. So, like anyone else, I could not understand my attraction towards other women. I was too shy and confused to ask anyone about it. I was thoroughly convinced that I was abnormal and was drowning in sin. I feverishly hoped to become normal like other people and never breathed a word to the women I was secretly falling in love with. 

Advertisement

It wasn't until social media came about that I had any point of reference. I finally got to know about the world around me. I had a pretty dull life before I got married. I expected my wedding night to be magical like they showed us in the movies. But it was my worst nightmare. I wasn't designed for straight sex, and I was utterly tormented. But I was clueless, and I continued to be 'the good wife' and promptly got pregnant. I gave birth to a daughter and got lost in taking care of her. 

Despite having a loving husband and a daughter I adored, I was miserable. 

One fine day, I watched an English movie that has lesbian lovers in it, and that is when the realization struck me like lightning. I was always like this. I had always wanted this. I felt stupid for not trying to find out earlier. I cried like crazy but I knew it was too late. ed for this. I was married. I was a mother, for God's sake! But I wanted to be free. I wanted to find my dream woman so I could love the way I wanted to love someone. 

I wanted to be the way God made me, and not have anybody interfere in that. But nothing happened.

I had no courage to change my circumstances. I had no guts to come out to my family. I even met a woman and fell in love with her, but she was straight and I couldn't tell her how I felt. Today, I'm still looking for my fair share of love. 

Author's Note:

Please have the courage to admit your truth as soon as possible. Don't wait like me and let it become a burden. 

Editor's Note:

You know why you should share this story