With each passing, it feels like I am losing it. From every moment of my life, my confidence, to my smile and everything else there could be. I am allowing myself to bend down to the fact that I am not a boy. But I wish I was. Life is a daily struggle; more difficult and tougher with each passing day.
From a joyous filled life personality, I have turned into a weak woman who is incapable of keeping her parents happy.
Not because I couldn’t support them emotionally or financially but to the fact that I am not their son. And there’s nothing I could do anything about it. No matter what I do but they would never see me as their son and I hate myself for it.
Tears have become like a sun which comes to me every day when I wake up and sets down when I sleep. Finding happiness has become a task for me. I have been trying hard and harder each day but every day is a failure. My wish to keep them happy doesn’t get fulfilled. It is said that nothing is permanent in life, neither the good times nor the bad. I wish my bad time goes off but I am also scared what if it also takes me along when it does.
I have always tried to be their best daughter and probably, I am even the best that they could get.
But the fact that I am not their son ruins everything. They cry for their son who left alone in hard times of life when they needed him the most. And he left them for a girl who was never loyal to her own parents. Right now, they might be having the best time of their life because it’s very easy to run off rather than stay in the storm with your head high.
Every day it rains heavily. The drops fall off from my eyes, but I have to stand until this rain stops and the sun rises with new rays of hope.
Probably, even then I would not become their son but wish to give them a much more beautiful life than they would be when with him. The rays of hopes turn into dark nights but I get up with more power next day to fight. This is a fight within to prove to them that I might not be their son but any day, I am a better person than him.
Like any other person, I also see two paths. One which kills me every single day to teach me the best and another, which can kill me in a fraction of second and I will be free forever. Free from all the responsibilities, tears, anger, and hatred but then I know, this would kill my parents more. I often look out for an easy option but life is a game of being tough. There is no escape to this. I have to absorb all the negativity around and spread only positive vibes.
I will stand no matter how hard it rains. I will become the Sun of their lives, one day, which will be full of brightness. For now, I wish to only become their ‘Sun.’