I Believed That My Love Would Change My Husband But I Failed Every Time

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 29 May, 2018

I am a 28-year-old married girl. Every girl dreams of getting married and a having a perfect life with her husband. I did too.

I was waiting to find the love of my life.

I had a few relationships in the past but nothing worked out. However, I was happy with my life. When my parents thought that it was the right time for me to get married, I didn't know if I was ready.

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But I was in love with the concept of marriage and soul mates and I knew that this was my chance to find my soul mate.

I registered my name on various marriage portals and proposals started pouring in but nothing was falling into place. Then one day, a family acquaintance suggested a proposal. The guy had seen me in a function some years back and he liked me since that day. When I got to know more about him and his silent love, I started liking him too.

I believed that I’d finally found my soulmate. We were different yet so alike.

He had a troubled childhood since his parents had gone through a bad divorce. When I heard his story, I was proud of him for bravely facing and overcoming his struggles. Neither my parents nor I questioned him or his family about his father.

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I was more qualified than him but that didn't bother me because he loved me a lot and he did have a decent job. In the six months of our courtship period, he did several special things that won me over and I blindly fell in love with him. We got married and the initial phase was bliss.

I tried doing everything to become the perfect wife while he supported me and helped me adjust.

His mom and brother were also good to me. It was everything a girl could dream of. However, we never went on our honeymoon since his mom was hospitalized right after our wedding. She underwent surgery and I took care of her like my own mom. We were in my husband’s hometown for three months.

It was a village and I had a lot of adjustment problems but I never complained to my husband and didn’t let it affect our relationship or me.

We finally shifted to the town where he worked and everything was going well. But it had been three months since I'd been to my hometown. I missed my family but I didn't push my husband to send me home. I'd realized that he was possessive and didn't want me to go alone to meet my family.

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I ignored his possessiveness regarding it as a part of his love.

As the days passed, I started noticing his aggressive nature. Once again, I ignored the signs thinking that it was a result of his troubled childhood. I started showering him with more love to help him overcome his bad memories. He helped me find a job but there were many conditions that I had to follow.

He didn’t want me to return late from office or be social with anyone.

I didn't take any of these conditions seriously and thought that everything would become fine when I started working. I got a job at a start-up and I liked the place since it was friendly. My workplace was far from our place and it took me about an hour to reach. I would leave at 8 a.m. to reach office by 9.30 a.m. and would return home only by 8 p.m.

It was very stressful but we managed. He'd get up early and help me in the chores and do everything that a wife wished for. However, his possessiveness kept growing. He fought with me just because a colleague sent me a friend request on social media. I was brought up in a broad-minded family and always had many guy friends.

My family never doubted me, and my friends were like family.
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But my husband didn't approve of it and asked me to cut ties with all of them. I felt bad, I couldn’t understand his behaviour but I ignored all my friends because I loved him. He was all that mattered to me and I cared for him like a baby. I realized that he didn’t want any other person in my life.

My friends didn't try to interfere, as they didn't want to create more problems while my family hoped that his behavior would change with time.

One of my friends was looking for a job and I happened to find a relevant opening and mailed it to him. My husband found out and he called me when I was in the office to fight with me. I could not leave early from office due to some work and I was very tense because I knew that we’d end up fighting as soon as I reached home.

A male colleague saw that I was tensed and offered to drop me home since it was very late. I was under a lot of pressure and agreed without thinking. I lied to my husband that I was taking a cab when I was actually on the bike with my colleague.

I don't know why I lied or why I said yes to my colleague. But I didn't have the patience or the time to think it through.

I don't know how but he knew that I was lying. As soon as I reached home, he started arguing with me. First, we fought over the mail that I’d sent, and then he kept questioning how I’d reached home.

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When I confessed that I’d come on my colleague’s bike, he slapped me!

I was shaken. I didn't know how to react. His mom had to intervene and push him aside. I had not seen this side of his anger. I was crying out in pain and I wanted to call my parents but my mom-in-law requested me not to inform them. So I had to remain silent though I didn't approve of it. Then he began crying and acted guilty.

He told me that he was emotionally unstable and couldn’t control his anger.

My mom-in-law and I decided to take him to a counsellor. After the counselling, his behaviour started improving. We decided to relocate to a location close to my office. His office had flexible timings and there was no work pressure. After moving to the new place, things seemed to be getting better. He would drop me to the office and pick me up too. I felt that we had finally found a solution to our problems.

Then one time, I accessed my Facebook account from his phone as he’d broken my phone by mistake. I forgot to log out and he read each and every message as if he were looking for something. I was logged into my account on my laptop in the office and I started getting message notifications.

I realized that he was talking to my old college friend pretending to be me to find out about my past relationship.

I was taken aback! I didn't know that he could be so cheap! I quickly changed my password and logged out. He texted me and called me a cheater for not telling him about my past relationship. I had made peace with my past and I didn't want to talk about it. Also, before we got married, he had said that he did not want to know anything because he was possessive and he wouldn’t be able to accept it.

I was unable to understand his behaviour and his motive behind digging up my past. When I reached home, he behaved as if he had been cheated into this relationship.

He made me feel guilty for a relationship that had ended long before he entered my life.

I tried to convince him but he didn’t care. We fought, cried and screamed at each other. I didn't know what to do or how to control the situation. He went out leaving me alone at home. I didn't even have a phone to call him. I just cried at my fate. He returned late and I tried to resolve our problems while he acted like everything was fine. But the tension prevailed and every day, I worried that he would pick a new reason to fight.

One night, I reached home and found our bedroom decorated with candles. I was touched and felt good that he had tried to do something nice. I hugged him and cried. He consoled me and I thought that he was trying to understand me. But I was wrong.

He just manipulated me to confess my past relationship.

I believed him and told him about my past and as soon as he heard it, he started behaving violently. He had a knife in his hand and asked me all kinds of personal questions. I was so scared that he would do something to himself that I took the knife and cut my hand in the process. There was blood all around! He rushed me to the hospital and the doctor said that I needed a plastic surgery because the cut was very deep. For the first time in 28 tears, I had to be admitted to the hospital.

I was all alone, away from my parents with a husband who had a dual personality.

The next morning, I called my parents and lied that I’d accidentally cut my hand while cutting an apple. I don't know why I was protecting him and supporting his abusive nature. I underwent the surgery and my whole hand had to be plastered. I tolerated his aggressive behaviour in the hospital too and still kept quiet. Somewhere, I knew that something was wrong with his mind.

My parents reached the very next day and took me home since I was advised rest for a month followed by physiotherapy. I thought that my absence would change him and make him realize his mistakes.

He did feel guilty but he still believed that I was betraying him.

His thoughts were not normal. He believed that in his absence, I invited other men to our house. He would say that he had dreams and whatever he saw in those dreams would come true. I found it extremely weird but I simply ignored it.

When I was young, I would raise my voice against any wrong deed but I don't know why I never voiced my pain after marriage.

He easily influenced me. When I was in my hometown for my treatment, I thought he would realize my value but things only got worse. He would still ask me personal questions and interrogate me. I am a very family-oriented person and I’ve never crossed my limits but the way he doubted me, I was sure that he didn't trust me at all.

My family and I tried to convince him, he would listen to everyone and make us believe that he'd change but he would repeat the same mistake again. I was fed up; I wanted to give up but never had the guts.

I loved him so much and I believed that my love would change him but I failed every time.

My family wanted me to quit the relationship, as they were confident that I would never do anything that I was being accused of by my husband. But I knew that I couldn’t live without him. After everything that had happened, I went back to his house because I wanted to give him one last chance.

I didn't want to have any guilt that I could have saved this relationship.

When I returned, his mom decided to stay with us. Things were fine and I tried to forget whatever he had done or said. He forced me to quit my job and though I was frustrated, I did it because I wanted him to know that nothing was more important to me than him. He made efforts to make things better but I knew that he could not forget the old thoughts.

His mom kept a tight vigil on our actions. Even when we were talking normally, she worried that we were fighting. One night, she asked us not to close our bedroom door and he didn't like it. He didn't approve of his mom's strict behaviour. He was irritated and asked me to close the door. When I refused, he tried to force me but I pushed him away.

I was about to leave the room when he commented on our last fight and wished me “happy accident anniversary”. I was very upset and angrily told him, “Get lost”. He got extremely angry and tried to choke me!

Fortunately, his mom came running and pushed him aside. She took me outside, locked the room and called an acquaintance for help. That day, I’d decided that I wanted to get out of this relationship. I had had enough. The acquaintance knew him but had never seen his anger and aggression.

She had seen him cry when I was away, so she knew that he loved me but when I told her the other side of the story, she was taken aback.

She wanted us to consult a psychiatrist. My parents wanted me to come back but I decided to take him to the psychiatrist. After listening to his problems, the doctor concluded that my husband is going through a delusional disorder where he constantly feels that I am cheating on him. It was a result of his past. I have started his treatment and I truly believe that if his disorder is cured, he will be able to love and trust me again. I know I am risking my life for it.

But walking away is an easy option. Staying and fighting is the difficult part.

It is easy to fall in love but it is very difficult to stay in love. My husband feels that if I walk away, I will get into a new relationship and start a family. I keep telling him that I can never forget him but it’s hard to convince him. I don't know what the future has in store for me but I am hoping for the best.

Editor's Note:

Do share this story if you agree that it takes courage to ignore your own pain and put someone else's well-being before your own. It is a hard step but love was never meant to be easy.