Have you gone through a phase in your life when you know you're not yourself? When the person you thought was always going to be there for you, ended up hurting you the most? When looking at the past now, you should've known it was too good to be true? You should've listened to what everyone was telling you. You see, I'm not even aware of when it started to happen.
He slowly took control over my life. Over who my friends were. Over who I spoke to. I put his happiness over mine. It all happened so slowly, I can't even put a finger on when it occurred.
I've only known him for nine months, but I've put him above everything. Now, does that make me stupid? I fell in love with someone so fast, I didn't even realize the feelings weren't reciprocated. He had warned me not to fall in love with him. He told me he'd hurt me. I didn't believe him then, but I believe him now. But time passed and he told me he loved me. So my questions to him are: Why say "I love you" if you don't mean it? Why make me fall in love with you, when you knew you weren't going to be able to catch me? Was your ego too big to let me go? Did you think I was a cushion you could sit on when you needed to? I was his shoulder to cry on, and I just didn't realize he wasn't mine. I gave him unlimited chances to redeem himself, but chance after chance he kept letting me down. It became so frequent that I now knew when it's coming.
It became a pattern. But I kept letting him step all over me.
I let him tear me down, tear down my self-confidence, my relationships, my everything. All for what? A heartbreak? Fake love? I guess at the end of the day I am the stupid one. And sure, he lost a real one, a loyal one, someone who would always be there for him. But I never gave him any boundaries, so maybe this is all my fault? Maybe I'm the one who brought this all on myself? I kept thinking, "maybe he's changed, maybe he'll stay this time." But in the end, that was all a lie. Everything he told me has been a lie. From every "I love you," to every "I want to grow old with you." And maybe he did mean it. Deep down in his cold heart, he actually did hold love for me. But I refuse to be the girl believing in false hope. I refuse to be the girl whose heart gets broken multiple times by the same person. And even though I already am that girl, I refuse to keep thinking with that mindset. I've grown numb to it.
To the guy who broke me,
I'll always love you, never think otherwise. You'll always hold a piece of me. But this time, I have to love myself and let you go. You once told me that when you looked me in the eyes, you saw something missing. You saw that I was sad, you saw that a piece of me was missing. You have that piece. My heart. And you've shattered it. This is a goodbye. To you. To us. To me that let everything slide. Goodbye.