I Am Studying To Become A Lawyer But Even I Can't Protect Myself From This One Thing

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 18 May, 2017

I am a law student currently in the fourth year of my study. You must be wondering why I'm here. What could be my story? Well, I am here to share a story that every girl would relate to.

You know how some people believe in the innate goodness of everyone? I was that girl- the girl who saw the good in everybody.

Now, after 4 years of being on my own, I am not the same person. I died a little in 8th standard, when my drawing teacher used to stare at my premature breasts.

I died when my cousin slipped his hands on my body and acted like nothing happened. I died when I came to college and everyone called me a feminazi while all I wanted was equal rights.

I died a little when I went to intern at the High Court- the temple of justice, and every male lawyer stared at me. I died a little more when a lady lawyer came up and asked me to take a dupatta so that the men could stop staring. 

I died a little when I went for my next internship under a judicial magistrate who molested me. For the first 15-16 days of my internship, he was the perfect dad-like figure. For two days, my co-intern was out of town and I had to intern under him alone.

I was sitting in his chamber when he started asking me questions about rape, which was perfectly normal considering the profession I was in. He asked me about hymen rupture and in all ignorance, I discussed case laws related therewith. Later that day he told me that he was really attached to me, that I was like a friend to him. 

It felt weird but I let it go. Interestingly enough, he would change the subject when any one of his juniors entered the room. I still could not decipher his intentions. Anyway, I stood up for lunch and he said he will go out as well. There was no one in the chamber. I was going out and he blocked my path, pulled me, hugged me, kissed me on my neck... and stormed outside.

For the next two minutes, I stood there stupefied, unable to understand what just happened. I walked out slowly, went to the canteen, sat alone.

I dialed my best friend's number but it was switched off. I kept sitting there, unable to rationalize what happened. My heart just could not accept what that man had done. Now that I narrate it, it all seems so obvious, but trust me- for an 18 year old, it wasn't. He kept calling me and sending me friend requests- I blocked him from everywhere.

I died a little more when the close ones I told this story to, found it convenient to joke about it later.

I died when I was told that I should rather be a model than being in this "male-dominated" profession.

I died when everyone told me all of this was normal since I was a girl. I died when I could not trust any guy for all the experiences I had.

But most of all, I died when I realized I had to keep quiet about this, when I had no one to share this with. I died everyday and every moment, bit by bit.

I am not the same person anymore. I don't believe that people are good. I don't believe you get good for the good you do. I don't believe any of that.


Editor's Note:

In no profession is a woman saved the humiliation of being objectified. Share this story, because speaking out is one way to fight for our rights.