I'm Single And A Mother But This Is What I'm Absolutely Not

Urmimala Das Urmimala Das in Single Women Bad Women on 25 December, 2016

Few days back I met a friend after a gap of 20 years. He was aware of my hard days, starting from my married life to my separation to finally, my widowhood. He remembered the soft-spoken 20-year-old me, who cried very easily. After complimenting my looks a bit much, he started to express his sympathy towards my "difficult life".

“Oh dear lady, you are really unfortunate,” he said. I was confused.

I've always accepted myself as a 'fortunate one' and not the other way around. But I hear such remarks very frequently. I experience many such moments when my friends, neighbors, and well-wishers pity me over the sad incidents in my life.

They, however, vanish somewhere when all the mishaps take place.

And then they suddenly appear from the mist when I'm taking rest after a long, hard walk of struggle in my life. Of course to remind me how sorry they are for my loss, life and other things.

Many times they make a sweet gesture by advising me on subjects such as, how to handle the single life, how to treat young children etc. I have been handling these situations single handedly for last twenty years successfully but there's always a need to remind, I guess?

The strong person I see in myself was not born just yesterday. This is a blessing of those numerous unwanted, painful incidents that took place in my life. I have accepted them as blessing and that makes me different from those poor souls who feel sorry for me and my single life.

If they were smart enough, they would have understood that a single life doesn’t mean a lonely life. It depends upon the person how he/she decides to live his/her life. There are many more relationships to play with in this beautiful world.

Yes, I do enjoy sunset too as they do holding their partner’s hand. The only difference is that they feel the comfort of their togetherness whereas I feel the comfort of my independent life. I don’t pity them for their bindings and limitations. Then, why do they pity my independence?

My troubled childhood, my abusive and drug addict husband, some unfriendly friends, and my inhumane siblings couldn’t compel me to give up. I have come out as a true warrior. As a true fighter, I have learnt to forgive my enemies too. I have never questioned myself, ‘why me?’ but I say, ‘Try me.’ And that makes me different. I deny the stereotypical thought of finding happiness only in a mingled life.

I am single now and I am happy.

I am living a comfortable life. I don’t have enough money to live a luxurious life but I have enough money to help a few people. That’s what matters to me the most. There was a time when I had to struggle a lot to make both ends meet for my family. But looking back over the past few years I find many things that were a source of pleasure to me.


The long walk of struggle couldn’t stop me from looking at the beautiful stars at night. I learnt to find happiness in darkness. I never forgot to sing a song for my toddler son. I never forgot to enjoy his stages of growing up. I never forgot to give a bright smile to a child that crossed my path. And above all, I never stopped dreaming.

Life was beautiful then, life is wonderful now.

One of my really good friends, Santulan, said to me and I agree, “Fortunate or unfortunate, that’s always a self-centric point of view. We feel fortunate if something makes us happy or unfortunate if something goes against our expectations and makes us sad. Then again, who feels the emotion finally? It’s the self, not the other person. So it’s ridiculous when someone else remarks about the fortune and misfortune with half the story at their disposal. One of my friends lost her father (how unfortunate) and as compensation, the family will receive a huge sum (now sounds fortunate enough?)." 

I am the most fortunate woman in this world. Stop pitying me! 
Editor's Note:

Share this story with every strong human being you know, who has only come out stronger after all the struggles in his/her life.