I had always dreamt of becoming a successful woman in my life. I was a very studious and sincere girl as a child. I used to be scared of committing even small mistakes. My parents too were very protective of me because they thought I was a very innocent girl. They were very particular about maintaining a proper image in society so they would always think about “log kya sochenge?” before taking a decision.
I was made to believe that good girls never committed mistakes and I should never ever have the guts to do anything without my parents’ permission. Talking to a guy was also a big no-no for me.
I was fed with the thoughts that if I did something wrong like talking to my friends I would never be able to achieve success in my life.
In short, I grew up in a family that loved me and pampered me so much that I believed them when they said that I would easily be able to make friends if I was successful in life. So I never even dreamt of making any male friends.
I did not face any problems till I left my home to take up a job in Bangalore. My family was very proud of me. I had proved to be a good child. They thought that I had achieved success because I had worked hard and obeyed them.
I didn’t have to struggle too much to get a good job opportunity too because I was selected in the campus placement interviews itself. So overall, I think I was quite successful in achieving all that I had dreamt of.
All this while I had always been surrounded by my family members at home and they had always loved me and pampered me a lot. Only when I started living in Bangalore did I realize how lonely and left out I had started feeling. I took the initiative to make friends and surround myself with good company.
I just wanted to have a good friend with whom I could share my thoughts and beliefs. I wanted to discuss all my day to day activities with him. I also wanted to listen to what he had to say about his life.
I had achieved all that I had always dreamt of. My job was good too. Yet I often felt frustrated because I missed having good friends around me.
It's not that I did not try to make friends here. But at this age, I found only selfish people around me.
My frustration was making me depressed. That is when I thought of getting married.
I thought that perhaps my husband would turn out to be that good friend who would always give me good company. But getting a good partner proved to be even more difficult than getting a good job.
My parents considered several proposals for me but somehow none of them worked out in my favour. I did meet a few people. But the people whom I was interested in rejected me. This frustrated me all the more.
They had really weird reasons for rejecting me. One of them thought that I was very short. Another boy rejected me because I didn’t know how to wear a saree. One of them had a problem because I was living in another city.
I was shattered by all these experiences because none of these boys was keen on knowing the kind of person I was or what my achievements in life were.
All this only added to my frustration. So, now I decided to find a guy for myself. I wanted to be with a person who would really accept me the way I was. I was not habituated to talking freely to guys. So I switched over to an online dating app.
I was actually hesitant to go ahead with this idea of mine but I was totally frustrated by all that was happening in my life at that time. So I just wanted to ignore my intuition this time because I wanted to work myself out of my frustrated state of mind.
I created a profile on that app and started talking to a guy. He talked very sweetly with me. So I started enjoying my talks with him. I was eager to make a friend. Very often he would insist that we meet. I finally agreed to meet him once after declining his requests several times. I felt good because I thought that I had finally found a friend with whom I could talk. I wanted to share my thoughts about life with him.
But he started behaving weirdly after meeting me once.
He stopped replying to my messages and didn’t respond to my calls. I was depressed now.
I started thinking that something was really wrong with me.
But I was still hopeful of finding the right person. So I continued using that dating app. This time I met a guy who looked like a very genuine person to me. I started talking to him regularly. I felt I had been looking for this kind of a guy for a long while now.
He seemed like a very simple and sincere guy.
We first started a nice conversation in which we discussed our daily routine and the usual problems that we all face in our lives. I then started sharing several things about my life with him. Somehow both of us felt that we liked each other. He too shared several things about his life with me. He had gone home for a short vacation. We decided that we would meet after he returned from his vacation.
I was very excited to meet my new friend. But his behaviour started changing after he returned. He too started ignoring my messages.
When I asked him when we would meet – he started giving excuses saying that he was busy with his work. He then stopped conversing with me.
I didn’t really want to lose a friend like him. So I tried to initiate a conversation with him again. But it did not prove to be worth my while.
I would tell him every now and then that I was not happy with his behaviour. But he simply ignored my texts and then stopped replying altogether.
So now I just started feeling left out again.
I have achieved success in my life but I still miss having a good friend around me. Often I feel I am surrounded by a lot of people who are unable to tune into my innermost feelings. I do feel depressed and frustrated but I still have hopes of finding someone who will really listen to me, understand me and accept me the way I am.