I fell for him the first time we spoke with each other.

Although it was an arranged marriage, we were given a chance to speak with each other to foresee our future together. My parents had raised me to be an independent woman, who decides for herself and speaks out against injustice. The first few months were smooth and lovely. I never felt that he was a stranger. We spoke for about 4 months and he flew down to India (Bangalore — where I was working) to meet me (he was working abroad).

Our feelings for each other was mutual and we decided to get married. We told our parents about our decision and we got engaged. However, the road became rocky from there on.

The day we got married, my mother-in-law, who was very sweet earlier started taunting me over every little thing. Like the wedding (that my father hosted), jewellery that my father sent with me, my family and about me. Apparently, they never wanted my husband to get married to me but he chose me out of the several girls he spoke with for marriage and so they had to get him married to me. They had an issue with me going to the salon since nobody in their family did. My hair colour was a problem and I was also told that maybe I had some hormonal issues.

All this was said to me the very next day I became the bahu of the house.

When I went to the court for registering my marriage, I wanted to keep my maiden name. It brought wrath upon my parents as they were called and humiliated for not raising an 'obedient daughter'. I expected my husband to understand me as I was hardly a week old in that house. I discussed it with him and I was yelled at in return.

I left my home, a well-paying job, just to be with him and here I was listening to everyone, which was against my nature. This was because my husband had asked me not to answer if any elderly person said anything to me in the house.

I shifted with my husband to the place he worked at and things were still getting worse. I was looking for jobs and I stayed at home most of the time, managing the house and trying to be a good wife. I missed my family/friends/job and country in this foreign land. Things didn't seem to please him as everything I did was conveyed to my mother-in-law and she wanted to control my home and my husband. And when she didn't see it happening, she started instigating him against me and my parents.

Initially I kept quiet, thinking he'll understand as we stay in a different country and he will recognise my efforts and my mother-in-law's opinions will not affect him. But that never happened. I got a job there and I used to manage the home and office by myself (we don't get domestic help there).

One thing I was sure of, that my husband loved me but I knew he would blindly do anything his mother asked him to do and sadly, I didn't realise this before marriage.

One fine day my in-laws planned a month long vacation at our place and I was excited about it. I resolved to try my best to be the best bahu and take care of them in every way possible so that they accepted me and gave me a place in their hearts. Worse was yet to happen.

From the moment they arrived, my mother-in-law started manipulating my husband. She used to check behind the furniture after I mopped to show my husband that I hadn't cleaned properly, she used to check my wardrobe behind my back. I used to get up early to cook breakfast and lunch for everyone and then go to my office. By the time I returned no one would have touched the food I made as she prepared something herself and served that to everyone.

It was showcased that I was a failure at managing the house and when I spoke to my husband about it, he told me that I had negative feelings for his mom because I could not be like her. That I was jealous of her.

She used to be horrible to me behind his back, abusing my parents, and my upbringing. I was constantly trying to work hard and understand where I was failing. That month was hell for me as every time something happened, my husband shouted at me, using foul language.

I compromised on my self-respect for my marriage, I kept quiet until the time I was yelled at, hit and spat on the face by the guy who I considered to be my life. I finally called my parents and came back home.

Still it wasn't over. My mother-in-law called my mother and told her that I had extra marital affairs with multiple men and I didn't have any sexual relationship with my husband for a long time. I was appalled and I called my husband to at least understand what was happening but he still blamed me for running to my parents' place.

I finally decided that I couldn't take it anymore. I enrolled myself in a University in the United States and came back for higher education. I tried a lot to convince him that I was innocent. I told him that I wanted to be with him, but he never responded. 

All I got to hear from common people was that I had interest in some guy in the US and I left my husband for him. Furthermore, people were told that I had an abortion and I was physically unfit to bear a child. That I used my husband as a stepping stone.

I still cry, I still miss him for the good times we had. But I will never again in my life give up my self-esteem for anyone. I will not lose myself for someone who can use everything I told him to hurt me. Throughout this phase, my parents stood by me. Not once did they ask me to bear the torture and still compromise for the heck of the society.

For your information, my father is a middle class businessman. He spent all his life's savings on first, my wedding and then whatever was left, he spent on my education. I will always be grateful for whatever he has done for me. I hope I make him proud some day.

Share This Story