I have been a fat girl for as long as I can remember now. Boys have never just instantly ‘liked’ me; they would like me after getting to know me, but it wasn’t the same.
Nothing worked out very well for me before I met Him. The first time I saw him, I felt like I would be better off staying away from him. He was the complete opposite of what I thought I would want from a man. So, I remember when he was friends with one of my close friends, I kept wondering why they would hang out and eventually I even asked my friend this.
That’s when I found out that he was a topper. The story got interesting when he bought a new phone and came on WhatsApp. He messaged me and since we had common friends, we ended up hanging out a lot even though we never really had much to talk about. But WhatsApp changed everything and quickly, we went from not talking to him becoming my best friend.
He was always a guy who was physically very active and he kept telling me about it; even though I never thought much of it and assumed it was his lifestyle choice.
One day, while chatting, he asked me what would happen if he kissed me and all I could say was I didn’t know. A few days later, we kissed and I loved it. Instead of telling our friends slowly, we just began calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, much to the shock of our friends. After a while, we began living together.
What he liked about me was that I trusted him and wasn’t like the other girls who tried everything possible to get his attention. I was the one who he used to laugh with, check out hot girls with and just let him be himself.
And I liked him because he wasn’t possessive, jealous or insecure. Things were great and I did lose my virginity to him. We began planning our future together and things were going really well for us. Six months into this, he told me that I should start focusing on my weight. This began getting on to me, because even though I was always a ‘fat kid’, I was always very, very confident.
We soon went on for our industrial training and he joined a week after I did. During this time, I made some nice friends there, some of them were guys; but once he joined, he disliked me talking to them. I was nervous, it was a new place and I was ambitious.
One day, while we were having lunch, I ate an extra chappati. He began making a scene about it and told me that I had to start being careful about what I chose to eat. I couldn’t believe he made a scene in public like that. Between all of this, I met a guy who was working in the same company and we got quite close. My boyfriend began getting jealous of all of this and he checked my phone, and this was the last straw.
I told him that I needed some time off, but he wasn’t ready for this. I was adamant and stopped talking to him entirely. He even told my best friend to spy on me and that horrible girl fed him lies and told him that I’m talking to people who he particularly hated. All our common friends began blaming me for this, especially since he played the victim card. I lost a lot of them too.
Cut to a few months later, when we were back in college after our internship. Things got really difficult for me because I didn’t have my friends and I missed him too.
We started talking again and I found out that he was talking to a junior girl, but it wasn’t anything serious. One day, he kissed me and I felt guilty. He told me that it wasn’t official and it wasn’t anything serious. He told me that he was going to end it soon with her. But the whole third year, he didn’t leave that girl, despite telling me that he wasn’t serious and that he loved me.
Quickly, I became the possessive and clingy, which I never was. He used to always point out how lucky I was because he loved me, in spite of me being fat.
For the first time, in twenty years of my life, I thought that being fat was a problem with me. I cried myself to sleep for every day six months because he made me feel horrible. I even apologized to him.
He continuously used me, physically and I felt cheap, but I thought that since we were in “love” it was alright. So all through my last year of college, I was going through hell. Soon, our exams were around the corner. I had lost all my self-confidence by then and my self-respect. I asked him to choose between me and him. He told me there was nothing to choose because she didn’t mean anything to him but he told me that he wasn’t going to stop talking to her.
At this point, I decided I had to stop talking to him because he was the one who wasn’t worth anything but, this didn’t last too long and before I know it, he convinced me to became his “best friend”.
This man was toxic in my life and thankfully, I understood that I just need myself and no one else to keep me happy. Especially if that person was someone who just made me feel so unworthy. He’s been out of my life for three months now and I feel so good! I couldn’t be happier.