Loneliness. That's what my story is about. I'm 25, a small town girl and I call myself a "Royal Soul".

I was a happy-go-lucky kinda girl but just when I entered my 20's, this guy came into my life. It all started with casual flirting but I slowly fell in love with him. We were the best of friends. Shared every single thing with each other and spoke to each other four hours without getting bored.

I was the one who proposed to him. He took a year and a half to say ‘yes’.

Even before he accepted my proposal, we spoke to each other like we were in a relationship. I felt liked he loves me and that’s why he is showing interest in me. After getting into a relationship, our intimacy increased. We were head over heels in love with each other, or now that I think of it, maybe it was only me. I did what he said, I took his permission before doing anything. He was my happiness. I would forget about all my problems the moment he gave me a virtual hug over a text message.

I think I was addicted to him.

I wanted to marry him. I saw my future with him but destiny had something else in store for me. His dad was against our marriage. His parents fell ill because their son chose a life partner against their wishes. He said he tried for two years before he gave up. 

He married his cousin as per his dad’s wishes. I broke down completely. I got to know about his wedding only two weeks prior to the wedding date. He lied to me all along that he wasn’t planning to marry her. 

When I confronted him; he said I should be glad he didn’t take my virginity even though we were in a physical relationship for 5 years and he had many chances. I agree, but is my virginity the only thing that matters?

What about the love? The promises? The hugs? Was that nothing? I begged him to marry me but he married her. I suffer from anxiety disorder now.

I rejected marriage proposals. Did not take up job offers. Lived my life like he wanted me to. Listened to everything he said. I just wanted him to be happy with me.

Today, he is married and I am sitting here fighting with myself every single day. Convincing myself that I will be alright.

He wasted 5 precious years of my life. He is married and settled, I'm left with nothing. Whenever I refused to get physical with him, he would get mad at me. It’s only now that I realise, knowingly or unknowingly, he used me for 5 years without breaking my virginity. And he says I should be grateful that I am still a virgin. He gave up on us so easily.

I'm not that happy-go-lucky girl anymore. I hardly smile. Nothing makes me happy. I am alive only for my parents. This one guy changed me completely. I speak to random strangers on the Internet to distract myself from this pain. I am finding comfort in the wrong places.

I feel so alone, I just want someone to hold me tight and never let go. I am scared of this loneliness because it is killing me slowly but with the support of my parents and friends I am trying to stand up again.

I never thought he would leave me. I am still in shock and I blame myself everyday for making him my lifeline.

Share This Story