Everyone Said I Was Lucky But We Were Not Like Other Married Couples

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 1 June, 2018

I have read so many stories on this platform and each story has its own explanations. The author, while writing the story, tries to prove that he/she did the right thing but the reader may feel the exact opposite. Deciding what is correct or wrong depends on each individual’s mentality.

One person may believe that something is wrong while someone else might feel that the same thing is correct.

I don't know whether I am doing the right or wrong thing. While reading my story, you may feel that I am wrong, but do try to understand my situation. Think about what you would have done in my place given the effect it would have on your life.

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My husband and I completed two years of togetherness. I can't believe it has only been two years!

When my parents chose this man for me, I was not happy, as he was not the kind of person I’d dreamt of.

But my elder brother convinced me to change my mind. He had spoken to my to-be-husband and was very impressed by him. We didn't talk to each other before saying yes. I waited for him to call or message me, but he never did. I was confused and wondered why had he not taken the initiative of talking to me.

Instead of thinking and waiting, I decided to call him. But I did not have his number and I didn’t want to ask anyone in my family. So I messaged him on Facebook. I immediately got a reply. When I asked him if he knew who I was, he laughed and said, "Yes, of course."

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He continued,  "I’m really sorry, I also wanted to talk to you but was scared to ask your brother for your number. I looked for you on Facebook but I couldn’t find you as you don’t have a profile picture and there were several accounts with the same name.” He even thanked me for taking the initiative of messaging him. I heaved a sigh of relief when I heard that he had tried to contact me.

Thereon, we started talking regularly but we were not like the other couples that spoke day and night.

I worked in a software company in Bangalore and he was a college professor. Both of us stayed in different cities. I was mostly busy in the office because I had a lot of pending work since I was quitting my job after marriage.

He did not have much work but he never messaged me even when he was free.

I was always the one who called or pinged him. When I asked him why he never took the initiative, he said that he was always free and I could call or message him at any time. He did not know when I’d be free, so he didn’t want to disturb me at work. I was convinced by his answer.

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During his holidays, he came to Bangalore to stay with his cousin sister. He told me that had done his Masters degree in Bangalore. When I asked him why had he shifted to another place for work when there were better options in Bangalore, he said that he didn’t like cities like Bangalore where there was no peace and everyone spent their lives like machines.

I tried my best to convince him that both of us could work if we stayed in Bangalore after marriage. I told him that I loved my job, I had a very good impression at work and no one was happy about me quitting the job.

All he said was that his family had made it clear that I would have to quit my job after marriage and shift to his place.

I realized that he was not interested in knowing what I wanted. But somewhere, I did not feel good about it. I didn’t want to quit the job. I tried convincing my parents and my brother but they said that I would have to eventually quit the job when I have kids, then why not now.

They made it clear that it was wrong of me to expect him to leave his job and come to Bangalore because of my dreams.

I didn’t say anything because I had seen my sister and my other cousins leave their job after having kids. So I started believing that everyone was right and I should stop thinking about my job.

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We got married and I shifted to his place. His parents stayed in the village while both of us stayed alone in another city. After a few days, I started getting bored at home. My husband told me that I couldn’t get any job in his college because I didn’t have a master's degree. I tried looking for software related jobs, but being a small city it did not have any such opportunities.

A few days later, my manager from my previous company called to ask if I’d be interested in working remotely. I was extremely happy, as I’d never imagined that I’d get such a good opportunity. I didn’t think twice before saying yes. My husband also supported my decision and I started working from home.

As each day passed, I started noticing how good my husband was. Though I was working from home, I’d work for nine hours every day, which made it difficult to manage things. But my husband helped me in the kitchen, in cleaning and the other housework.

However, he was very specific about his food and wanted a variety of dishes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I was a good cook and I managed to impress him with my cooking. Anyone who visited our house was surprised by the menu I prepared daily.

But all the housework took up most of my time and I barely got enough time for my office work. I worked from morning to night and never got time to take rest.

Though my husband was calm and supportive, there was no romance in our relationship.
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He never spoke to me lovingly or held my hand romantically. We’d have sex only once or twice in a week and only when he was interested. His behavior confused me and I confronted him about it. His reply was unexpected.

He said that he did not believe in a dramatic life where the husband affectionately called his wife darling, honey or baby.

He was not in favour of romance. He blamed TV serials for creating unrealistic expectations because such things did not happen in reality. Once again, I was silent. He was so good at convincing me that I had no option but to agree with him.

We did fight over silly things but he never spoke rudely to me. He was always polite and willing to clarify all my doubts.

I was beginning to feel that he was not only a perfect husband but also a perfect human being.

All his colleagues and students also believed that he was a great man. Everyone that I met or spoke to said that I was the luckiest girl to get a husband like him. One year passed by and everything was going well. My family believed that my husband was lucky to have me in his life because I never argued with anyone and I did all the housework and my office work too.

I never complained that I was tired of working.

I cooked a variety dishes for him every day and whenever his parents or relatives visited our house, I treated them very well. Many times, they would come suddenly without informing and I’d be forced to leave my office work to greet them. I told my manager that I wouldn’t be able to work in such situations. As a result of this, he had to deduct my salary for two months because I hadn’t done much work. He even warned me that if I continued to be irregular, he would have to fire me

But I never got angry with anyone because I was aware that working from home was different compared to going to the office and our relatives would never understand it.

I couldn’t say that I was busy with work and didn't have time to sit with them or prepare food for them. So I started working late in the night after completing all the housework.

My husband started worrying about my health and also said that I could leave the job at any time because it was not necessary for me to work. Initially, I’d started working just to pass my time but later, I realized that my husband couldn’t manage all the responsibilities on his own. We had to cut down on many necessities because we were going over budget. Even when I started working, we still faced issues.

It scared me about the future and how things would get more difficult after we had kids.

I took care of my shopping and other expenses. If we went out on a holiday or during the festive season when the expenses were more, I also contributed money. All these factors pushed me to continue my job.

I tried asking my husband again if we could shift to Bangalore where both of us could get good salaries. It would have made a huge difference to my job. But he was firm about his decision of not moving anywhere. I wondered why was he so adamant about staying in the same place?

Why weren't we like the other married couples who discussed things and shared a good bond?

My husband never allowed me to talk about savings, future plans, and other important things. He would always tell me that he was the man of the house and he very well knew his role. He asked me to stay away from such matters and concentrate on my work. I couldn’t understand why he was so reserved. He never thought about my feelings before telling me not to interfere in his work.

For him, I was just a typical wife who cooked for him, took care of his house and also gave him money when he was short of it.

Whenever he had a holiday, he would send me to my parents’ house and go out with his friends. He always said that he couldn’t sit at home on holidays. If I asked him to stay at home, he would lecture me saying, "I am a man. What will I do by sitting idle at home? I am not asking you to stay with my parents, as you won't be comfortable with them. I’m telling you to go to your parents’ home where you can relax and concentrate on your office work too."

My working from home had become more of an advantage for my husband than me.

But I never shared all these thoughts with anyone in my family. My parents are very sensitive and they get nervous about silly issues. Also, their thinking is exactly like my husband’s, so there was no point in telling them my concerns. Even if I were to tell them, they would convince me that I'm wrong to think in that manner.

Then one day, I happened to see my husband’s mobile and I was shocked to see another girl’s photos. He was chatting with her and it was not a casual chat; she had sent him vulgar pictures of herself. But there were only 2 or 3 messages, so I couldn’t understand why had she sent such pictures to my husband.

I checked his other messages and came across another shocking conversation. He had sent the girl’s pictures to one of his friends and both of them were passing indecent comments about her. It was too bad to even mention here. I felt cheated and broken.

I'd always believed that my husband was a good man who would never think or say anything bad about women.

But seeing his messages made me realize that I did not know him at all.

It was midnight but I couldn’t control myself and confronted my husband. He was silent but I didn’t find even a hint of shame or fear on his face. He was absolutely normal about it. After a while, he explained that she was his ex-girlfriend who had cheated on him and married someone else.

After marriage, she realized that her husband was not a good man and she had made a mistake by marrying him. So she started sharing her feelings with my husband who used to console her. When I questioned him about the vulgar pictures, he did not have any explanation for it.

The only thing he said was, "I know that I have made a big mistake and no one can accept such a thing. I wanted to tell you everything but I realized that you would not understand it. It is not common for you and you’ve been raised in a way where this is a crime, so I didn’t have the guts to tell you."

I was so angry with him that I could not believe anything that he was saying.

When I asked him why had he shared the photos with his friend, he started blaming the girl. He said that she used him and left him when he needed her, so he didn’t have any respect for her. When she realized her mistake, she messaged him again and asked to be friends, which was not right.

Since they were school friends, all their friends knew about them and they still teased him because of her. So he decided to spoil her name.

I couldn’t believe that my husband was so bitter that he could do such things.

On one hand, he was consoling her but at the same time, he was sharing her images and bitching to his friend. I was appalled and worried! I asked him if he'd ever shared our conversations or my pictures with his friends. He got very angry and told me to stop thinking about such stupid things.

But I was too shocked to hear him say such things about another girl who was once his girlfriend.

I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell my family because it would become a huge issue and everyone would get hurt. So I called that girl and asked her if something was going on between them. She also said the same story that she had made a mistake by dumping my husband and was still suffering the consequences.

She told me that I was lucky to have him as my husband.

She also said that they were very good friends and had a strong emotional connection. This pissed me off. I questioned her about the pictures but she said that she had sent them by mistake. She wanted to send them to her husband who was a navy officer and was often out of the city. She also had a two-year-old son.

I knew she was lying about the pictures. How could she send such pictures by mistake! But I never told her that my husband had shared her pictures and conversations with his friend.

She tried convincing me that my husband had no intentions of talking to her and it was she who forced him to do so.

Then she made a statement that I cannot forget. "I know I am close to him and we share a strong bond. But you are his wife, I can only console him from a distance and say a few nice things, but you are everything to him. You can get physical with him.” This made me angrier. I said, "People like you can only think about such things."

"For you, being a wife is only about getting physical but I have completely different thoughts about the relationship between a husband and wife."

"However, my husband and you have shattered all my beliefs. I will get out of your lives because my husband is definitely not happy with me." However, she said that even if I were to leave my husband, she could never marry him because she was happy with her husband and her kid. That night, I couldn’t sleep. My husband had not uttered a single word to me. He never told me why she had sent him the photos.

Later, he started apologizing and asked me to punish him for his mistake. I said that I wanted a divorce but he started crying and begged me not to leave him. He didn't stop apologizing but I told him he didn’t deserve me or that other girl who trusted him while he took advantage of her.

He tried convincing me that girls like her are to be treated in that manner.

His words really upset me. I’d always hated men who disrespected women and spoke bad things about them. And now, my own husband was one of them. But I couldn’t stay quiet any longer. The next day, I sent that girl screenshots of the conversation between my husband and his friend. But I didn’t tell her about the pictures.

I don't know why I did it; I guess I knew that being a girl, it would be difficult for her to face it.

When she got to know the truth, she felt very bad because could never imagine that my husband would do this to her. She was thankful to me for telling her and promised me that she would block him from everywhere and get out of his life. Now, it has been almost three months since the incident and I’m still in a dilemma.

I still have those screenshots and whenever I see them, I hate my husband.

But he is trying to change himself. He has stopped going out with his friends and spends more time with me. He has finally started showing his love for me and saying romantic things when we are together. We are enjoying sex, which was missing earlier. But I don't know why I have stopped feeling anything for him.

No matter what he does, I always feel that he is acting and telling lies.

It is driving me mad and I am not able to concentrate on anything. My husband can see my pain every day and he says that he can't see me suffering. My silence is killing him from inside but he is helpless.

I am trying to be normal with him but when I check his messages from his other friends, it makes me feel that my husband is a big flirt. His friends call him the Emraan Hashmi of their gang because he is close to all the girls. Even his chats with his female students seem flirtatious. But he never talks to me in that manner. Why am I so unimportant to him?

Does he feel that if he gave me too much importance, I'd start demanding things?

I’ve checked his messages earlier also but never felt like this. Were those messages different? Or is it my doubt that is making me feel this way? I am stuck in this situation. If I tell anyone, my husband will lose his respect.

If he is telling the truth, this will hurt him a lot.

But what if he is a bad person who cheats on girls including his own wife? Sometimes, I feel that if I walk out of his life, I will be very happy. And I can probably test my husband and see what he does without me. I can also continue my job, which means everything to me.

But if I leave him, how will I face my parents?

I have never cared about the society and what they say; my only concern is my family. I’ve always done things to make them happy. But this will break them. What should I do?

Editor's Note:

Share this story with all the women who go out of their way to manage their house, their families and their work but their own dreams and desires are often suppressed.