In my experience, almost every girl has gone through some kind of sexual abuse at least once in life. I have had this experience with a neighbour and then a few times here and there.

This family lived next door when I was young and we had good relations with them. The couple had two kids who were extremely talkative and naughty. So my brother and I never quite liked them. Eventually, these people moved to a different city. My dad is a businessperson, so would be out in his factory and my mother was a teacher who would spend half of her day at school. So my mom’s timing was pretty much set. I never got any creepy feeling from the father in the family next door.

One day the bell rang and I checked through the net door. The 'uncle', as I would address him, was there. He said he was in the city and thought of paying a visit. Since I knew him, I let him in.

My mom was not home, my younger brother was playing in the other room. I offered him water and some cold drink, just as we do with any guest. Those were not the days of the mobile phone, so I didn’t know how to contact mom. Somewhere his behaviour felt out of place, the way he looked at me, his smile and his eyes. Then, thankfully, he got up to leave and gave me a Rs. 500 note, which I politely refused, but he insisted. I said I can’t take it, he can come visit when mom and dad are home. But he gave it to me nevertheless.

I went in my room, probably to get something, and kept the note on the table. He came in the room, I said I’ll give it to mom, and he asks me to not to tell anyone that he visited. That was very strange to me. He picked the note and said bye and left. I was not able to understand the whole thing, but I left it at that. When mom came home, I told her he had been home.

A few days later, the phone rang, and again my mom wasn’t home. I picked and someone asked how I was. I didn’t know who it was so asked him who’s speaking and who he’d like to speak to. The man on the other end asked, to my great confusion and disbelief, what I was wearing. I asked again who is speaking. He followed it with the same question, tell me what are you wearing. I got scared and disconnected the phone. It never rang again thankfully.

But that feeling of being watched and that question did not fade from my mind for very long. It still doesn’t. I never knew who it was, but I felt it was the same man’s voice.

There is another unrelated incident of when I went to a fair with my family. I might have been 12 or 13, I don’t remember really. But we were walking around looking through stuff when some guy slapped me on my hips and went away. I was so ashamed, I didn’t even look back and never told anyone. And I never went to any such fair again, it made me so angry and upset.

It’s amazing how such people never realise the magnitude of the impact their actions can have on a young mind. A girl never forgets any such treatment ever, it always stays with her, even when she is way too old in life. It may slip down to the lowest floor of the mind, but it stays.

Every such encounter instils a fear that somewhere starts to define what you are. I have a lot of respect for rape victims who survive and live to make something of their lives because the pain they go through is immeasurable. And no one can make it any easier for them in any way. It’s a burden that they carry their whole lives, a trauma that stands on the side in every new venture and action and relationship.

We, as little girls, and then as women, are rarely given enough knowledge, and enough courage, to stand against these things. That’s why we feel ashamed for no fault of ours, it’s like I did something wrong when he touched me inappropriately.

I wish women start encouraging, supporting, and empowering each other so it’s easier for them to talk about such incidents and actually deal with them in a better way. I want to go back to that time and punch that guy in the face, and then call the police so he learns a little lesson. I wish power, freedom, and courage for all women.

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