I have had a phobia for numbers since my childhood. I am very good at remembering dates but struggled with algebra and trigonometry. I could never sleep properly before my math paper in school. Later on, in college the numericals in chemistry gave me the jitters. When I went on to do my MBA I had problems with accountancy. Despite my fears, I cleared all these subjects with flying colours. Now I have developed a new phobia.
I will be touching a number called 30 in my life.
I was not very bothered about this number 4 – 5 years back. But the closer I get to this number, the more stressed out I feel.
I know I am losing my balance and cool. Sometimes this makes me behave in a desperately pushy and selfish manner.
Earlier we lived in a society where ‘sabse bada rupaiya’ was the norm. But now I think ‘sabse bada problem society ka rawaiya hai.’ Phew! We all live in a society where all our family members and relatives nag us till we become crazy. They will appear on days when our results are declared and ask us how much we scored. When we are in our final year of engineering or MBA they will want to know whether campus placement hua ki nahi. After we have financially settled in our career they will want to know when we plan to get married and after we get married they will want to know when our babies are coming.
Damn! Give me a break. I am so sick and tired of this vicious circle.
If we take the pains to dress up well when we are attending a social gathering the immediate response will be “Oh! Aap toh badi pyari lag rahi ho. Ab toh agli shaadi aapki hi hone waali hai.”
Where were these people when I was lying on a hospital bed after I met with an accident? Where were these people when I was struggling to sleep before my math exams? Where were these people when I was experiencing heartbreak? None of them was there with me during the worst phases of my life. Then how can they expect themselves to be a part of the most important phase of my life?
And even when I do get married, all they will do is come to eat at my wedding. They will then complain that the food was not good or some person did not greet them properly or that the DJ was playing only English songs and not the latest Bollywood numbers!
I too am a human being like everyone else. I too have limited time on this planet called 'Earth.'
I really want to live my life my way. I want to create my own terms and conditions for my life. I want to create so many memories for myself that when I become old I will have several stories to tell my grandchildren.
I literally invested close to a year and a half of my time and spent lots of money on matrimonial sites because my parents wanted me to get married before I turned 30. I tried. I did my best to interact with people. Often I ended up talking to real weirdos. Some guys find working girls ambitious and feel that they can’t run a home. Hey buddy! You can’t judge me by just looking at my profession or my goals.
I am an independent woman and I can take my own decisions. Often they are more sensible than your decisions.
I think I am a spiritual person but I have limited knowledge about my religion. And this was enough reason for me to get another rejection. I wish I could make my parents and the people of my society understand how in this entire process of trying to get married I have ended up losing myself.
I get tense every time the topic of my marriage is being discussed. I start over-thinking about it and it is as if a wildfire has started in my mind.
At such times I am unable to focus on things that I love doing. I love travelling, blogging and dancing. I feel so peaceful and happy when I pursue these passions of mine.
But I knew I was experiencing a lot of emotional turmoil with this issue. So I decided to have a heart to heart talk with my parents. I discussed my concerns with them and told them that they are creating trauma in my life. And then finally I decided to live my life on my terms.
Marriage is not just an institution to start a family. It is an emotional, mental and physical bond which lasts forever.
Both partners have to sail together through their most difficult times. Physical distance may separate them. There will be times when they have differences of opinion too. How will we be able to deal with all this if we rush into a relationship even when we know that we are not yet ready for it? A lot of changes are associated with getting married. So there is no point in simply getting married just because we are ageing.
We will end up with regrets in the long run if we do so.
So relax dear ladies. I know that we are all under immense pressure to get married. It becomes extremely difficult to hold on to our beliefs at such times but we do learn to ignore them.
All my friends are married. Even my younger cousins are married and they have kids too now. And when I see them I do get tense and wonder what is in store for me. I wonder why the whole process is getting delayed for me.
Eventually, I learn to relax. I meditate and analyze myself and my life. I ask myself a question: Do you just want to get married or do you really want to know someone better before you get married to them? I reorient my thoughts and then work on analyzing my life goals. I look at how much I have accomplished in my life. I then ponder about how much farther I have to go to achieve my goals.
When I take some time out for myself and analyze my life like this I feel happier because I really think I can enter into matrimony with a mature mind. I am balanced in my thinking and more rational in my approach. I realize that there is no need for me to rush into matrimony just for the sake of it.
I feel I will be happier when I am able to buy my own stuff. I prefer being financially independent to being dependent on my parents or partner. I want to grow as a person and improve my skill set by learning a new language or indulging in a new hobby.
So whenever I get such doubts about my age and my marital status, I just take a minute to think about my life. I know rushing through things will not help me in any way. So I calm down and work on myself and take care of my health.
Here is a message for all you lovely ladies:
Dance, sing, go clubbing…..do whatever makes you happy because these are your long-term assets. Only a healthy mind can nurture a healthy body. Make 'peace' your prime priority. This will fill you up with positive energy and you will be able to motivate yourself and spread happiness around you. Just dance and sing if that is what you want to do. Create time to pursue your passions. Scream if you feel like doing so. Write blogs if it makes you happy and calm and composed. Touch your heart and dance to the rhythm of love.
Whoever is meant for you will eventually come and accept you just the way you are.
Each of us is a beautiful unique soul. It is fine if you feel like delaying the process of getting married. Your individuality will nurture your happiness. If you are not happy you will not love yourself. Then how will you love someone else? Happiness comes from within. So just focus on yourself and your well-being. Never rush into anything till you are really prepared for it. Don’t be clingy.
The right person will come into your life at the right time. All of us lead extremely different lives. We all will get our share of happiness in our own time. We will all have to face our fair share of difficulties too.
So don't worry too much if you are unable to match the expectations of the society that you live in. Make your own milestones for your own life. Focus on just one milestone at a time and put a tick mark on it after you achieve it. This will give you inner peace and at the end of your life – this is what will matter the most.
I have decided that I will not settle down until I feel the time is right for me. I will marry the person who seems right to me. Right now, if I feel like dating someone, I will go out and date that person. I will live, laugh and enjoy myself on that date. If I feel like getting drenched in the rain, I will do so. I have learnt to do whatever makes me happy. I create beautiful memories for myself and will do so all through my life. I avoid people who keep reminding me of my age.
I avoid things which breed negativity. I keep away from social media and other distractions which make me feel unwanted.
When I sit down and review the quality of my life over the past 10 years I am able to see all that I have accomplished in my life so far.
I am amazed to know that I have come a long way and have matured as an individual.
So stay strong girls! Life is too big a deal for us to shed tears over things that are not happening to us right now. Live your life your way on your own terms. Nirvana tabhi milega.