I still remember the first day of college when I saw Ricky for the first time. It wasn’t love at first sight. I don’t remember when and how I fell in love with him.
He was the most popular guy in the college, popular for all the bad things (which I wasn’t aware of at that time)!
I belonged to an extremely strict family and didn’t have a mobile phone nor did I have much access to the laptop. Somehow, I managed to go through his Facebook account and saw the profile picture that had him and his girlfriend. I was a bit disappointed but not so much, as I wasn’t expecting anything. Gradually, he started noticing me in college. We became good friends and he realized that I had feelings for him.
He informed me that he had broken up with his girlfriend. I checked his Facebook account and saw that he had changed his profile picture and his relationship status was ‘Single’. I believed him. We got into a relationship and soon, the whole college knew about us, including the management. He was the only guy who would sit on the girls’ side, right next to me. He’d flirt with me in front of the teachers too.
He also made a fake Facebook account where his relationship status was ‘Married’ to me!
I was on cloud nine. Those seemed like the best days with my first love. We met only during college hours and never bunked classes or went out on dates. I couldn’t even speak to him after I left the college premises. Yet everything went well for almost three months. Then I received an abusive message from his ex-girlfriend.
I didn’t reply to her but I informed him and he said he’d take care of it. The next day he asked me to send him an angry message on his actual Facebook account and I did as I was told. I had no clue about his intentions. He avoided me for the next few days and I was really disturbed. However, within 3-4 days we were back to normal.
After a few weeks, he gradually started avoiding me and I could see him getting close to our classmate, Neha. I confronted him and he shocked me by saying that it was none of my business.
I was so blind in love with him that I kept begging him to come back to me.
The other boys in my class noticed my situation and advised me to get over him but I shut my ears to them. After a few days, some of my classmates informed me that they had seen Neha and Rikky getting physical on the building stairs.
Again, I refused to believe them. The same day, Rikky came to me and proudly announced that he got intimate with Neha. I lost all hope of getting him back. This went on for 2-3 months post which, he came back to me.
He didn’t explain or apologize; he just came back. And I accepted him because I was still in love with him.
We were happy together for the next few months. But there were many more 'Nehas' in his life. It had become a routine. Each time, my happiness lasted for about three months while the other months were filled with crying, begging, losing weight, sleepless nights, etc.
This went on for two and a half years with four different girls.
He never really cared about me. I don’t remember him gifting me anything whereas I made sure that I showered him with things, even though they were out of my budget.
I remember his birthday during the second year of college. He wasn’t talking to me, so I'd made arrangements with his brother and some of his friends to give him a small surprise party at home. Since I couldn’t afford a gift, I got him a cake, a rose and a birthday card enclosed with a letter. That night when he reached home, he was drunk and was accompanied by some of his friends whom I’d never met. His brother gave him the cake and the card.
He shamelessly passed the letter to one of his friends and asked him to read it out loud! I was embarrassed.
I don’t know how I tolerated him for three years. I don’t know what I was thinking! Every time he left me for another girl, he blamed me for all his actions. As a result, I started hating myself and lost all my confidence.
I felt that I wasn’t good enough for him.
Whenever he stopped talking to me, I would wake up in the middle of the night, sneak out of my room and call him, beg him while he’d abuse me and call me names like s**t and bitch. And I’d just be happy with the fact that he'd at least spoken to me.
Towards the beginning of my third year of college, the management informed my parents about my relationship and I was shifted to the evening batch. As soon as I moved classes, he came back to me again. He started visiting me in the evening and things were getting better till he found a ‘sister’ in our junior batch.
I believed that he treated her like a sister because whenever he cheated on me, he always told me directly and proudly.
Moreover, I knew that the girl was already engaged to someone else. Within a few weeks, he began avoiding me again. My friends from the morning batch informed me that he was dating a girl from their batch and his so-called ‘sister’ at the same time. That is when I stopped believing in this so-called brother-sister relationship.
When I confronted him, he confirmed that he was dating both of them and he'd had had sex for the first time in his life with the girl he called his ‘sister’!
All these things were happening when our final exams were around the corner. I messed up my exams and went into major depression. As days passed by, life was getting harder. I started losing weight drastically and also tried hurting myself. I was on the verge of a complete breakdown.
That’s when I met my sister’s ex-boyfriend, Midz. He was like an angel sent by God. We were seeing each other after 11 years. Honestly, I didn’t remember his face, but surprisingly, he had a picture of mine that he had taken 11 years ago.
He came into my life as a friend, a brother, a mentor and mainly as my personal psychiatrist.
I told him everything that was happening in my life. He was shocked to see my condition and was appalled that my family had no idea what I was going through. He started his counseling session by naming me his “little princess”. He spoke to me every day for hours even when he was at work and made every effort to improve my life. It took him four months to make me love myself more than anyone else in this world.
He made me realize that it was Ricky who didn’t deserve a girl like me while I deserved someone much better than him.
Slowly, I began believing in myself and getting over my past. Our exams were approaching and I was scared because I knew that I’d have to face him. But Midz forced me to concentrate on my studies and promised me to be by my side every day. On the first day of the exams, I reached college an hour earlier. Even today, I don’t know what had happened to me but I was just smiling.
My friends from the morning batch were shocked to see the new me, as they were expecting the same old heartbroken girl!
The best part was catching Ricky and his ‘sister’ staring at me. I was happy to see my friends surprised and was happier to see Ricky getting irritated. And then came the real surprise. Midz came to my college in his Dodge Challenger! He had come to hand over my wallet, which I’d left in his car the last time we met, but his arrival was like an icing on the cake. I could feel all eyes on me as I spoke to him with the biggest grin.
Everyone thought he was my new boyfriend and I kept it that way because somewhere, in the back of my mind, I wished the same.
The amount of satisfaction I received that day cannot be quantified. All through the exams, Ricky tried his best to talk to me but I kept avoiding him, as though I didn’t even see him. I realized how immature I’d been and was dating a person who was even more immature!
When I looked around me, all I could see was a bunch of immature guys. Thankfully, I'd met a real man who made me a woman. He was my Prince Charming and I couldn’t help falling in love with him.
Months passed by, I graduated from college and got a job. I was happy with my life and my Prince Charming was always just a call away. One fine morning, I received a call from one of my college mates who informed me that Ricky had been arrested for possessing and using drugs. Since we lived in a Muslim country, I knew this was a huge criminal offence. He was punished with one-year imprisonment followed by deportation to our home country.
I was worried because I never wanted him to get hurt. I kept asking his friends about him. I was told that he was allowed to call two numbers from the jail and he chose to call his dad and the so-called sister. After a month, that girl stopped answering his calls and he requested the police officer to swap her number with mine.
He started calling me from jail and kept apologizing every single time.
He said he wanted to marry me and would keep me happy forever. Fortunately, I didn’t believe him this time. I continued talking to him until the time he was deported. He was good for almost a week but then he got back to his old ways. That day, I realized that he was never going to change. I blocked him from everywhere and deleted him completely from my life.
I wasn’t ready to waste even a single minute on him ever again.
Today, I stand strong and independent, ready to face any challenge that life throws at me. I feel proud of myself. I had a hard time in my first job and would often come back home crying. However, I wasn’t in a situation to quit my job without an alternative. I pulled myself together once again and started looking for another job. After a year of hunting, I was offered a job in a renowned MNC with thrice the pay of my first job. I could see that God was blessing me abundantly.
Currently, I’m not in regular touch with my Prince Charming as both of us are busy with our work but I'm sure he’s always there for me, just a call away. For the past five years, he has been the first person I approach for all the good and bad things that happen in my life.
I don’t know what to name this relationship but I know that I will always adore him, respect him, care for him and love him with all my heart!!
Midz, I am really thankful to you for being with me in the toughest phase of my life and for taking all the efforts to bring back the smile on my face. The pride I carry today is only because of you. I will always cherish the moments we spent together.
I can confidently say that I have never fallen back since you came into my life!
I know that I haven’t been there with you during the toughest time of your life and you are aware of the reason. But please remember that my heart is always with you. I will always love you.
Thank you, God, for sending your special angel to me.