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Dear Man Who Controls His Girlfriend: She Won't Lower Her Standards To Please Your Ego

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*For representational purpose only.

I am writing this piece for the boy who says that girls shouldn’t be allowed to do night shifts because his mom says that girls who go for night duties may have a different profession. This is a pure mamma's boy who attempts to rule nearly half of the girl’s life.

Although he is the one who teaches her how beautiful it is to be in love, he fails miserably to respect her opinion because he feels that men are the primary decision makers in life.

The statements like, "I’m just worried about you” or “I have all the rights to take care of you” slowly become like a leash around the neck. This leash is locked and unlocked according to his convenience. “Why do you wear such a dress?” He says this even though she is wearing a modest salwar suit. “Why do you talk to other boys?” he says this despite knowing that they have been friends for more than six years. “Why do you go out alone?” he has the audacity to say this even though she has been independent all these years. “Why can’t we talk on the phone all day long?” he says this because he thinks that her world revolves around him. “Why do you want to go back to your parents? Long distance relationships are not my cup of tea.”

If this is what he demands from her then why can’t he step out of his comfort zone and move to her hometown with a decent job? All the above questions are just a few common instances of scenarios that many couples are facing right now. There is no shame in admitting if you have been a victim of similar mental harassment but at the end of the day, what matters is how you overcome them. The girl I have mentioned above is one of my close friends, and she now works in a reputed company.

Her boyfriend wanted her to settle down with a marriage certificate and that is all the achievement he wanted her to possess. She realized in time that there are better honors in life than settling with someone who doesn't care about what she wants.

Although it has been more than a year, he still doesn’t have a proper job and she has managed to come out of the trauma, has found closure and is leading a peaceful life. Even today, she has commitment issues and fears relationships because she is afraid that she might be chained once again. This is what happens when someone takes the concept of love and care, and twists it in the wrong way. Let the girl live her life. She has all the rights to decide what is good for her and what is bad for her. Throughout her childhood and teenage years, her parents are the primary decision makers. Then when she gets married, her husband and in-laws are her judges.

She is expected to forever compromise on her values and self-respect just so that others are happy. What about her happiness?

Give her a break! Give her one chance to prove herself. Appreciate her for what she does. If she has had a kick-ass meeting at the office, she expects you to say, “I’m proud of you my princess”, and not “Women always get appraisals because of the flirty male bosses, maybe you should settle to have babies now.” Not all women like buttering their bosses, some of them are indeed determined to perform well.

If you are insecure or jealous of the fact that she is better than you in all aspects of life, then it is you who has to change your mindset, not her. Don’t ask her to lower down her level to match up to your sorry little standards, when you cannot grow up to match her caliber.

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