Beti, Are You A Virgin?

Anupriya Deb Anupriya Deb in Single Women Bad Women on 10 September, 2017

What if I told you that, according to a recent youth survey, 63% of Indian men don’t think pre-marital sex is a taboo, but 61% of Indian men want to marry a virgin; how would you react?

India is a land of culture, moral values and traditions. Our society has always questioned everything about a woman. At the same time, India is the land of the Kamasutra and is a society where Devis are worshiped. Seems confusing, does it not? When we talk about purity, each culture within this country, has their own definition. Whether it’s about women entering temples during their periods, or women having sex before marriage: every soul, every sadhu, every sect, has his or her own opinion on women.

We call women, ‘pure’ or we call them a ‘w****’. In our society, it’s just that simple.

A question that seems perfectly normal to ask an unmarried woman in our country is, “Are you a virgin?” If a woman says no, she is pure. If a woman can’t or rather, won’t answer, well, she’s deemed a whore. I wonder, how many Indian men, before marriage have been asked this question? Rather how many from the 61% that want a virgin wife, would answer?

Let me be fair though, in order to understand the question, we need to define a 'Virgin'. A woman who has had sex, is not a virgin. However, at the same time, a woman whose hymen is broken, could still be a virgin.

Can you see how men are automatically disqualified from even being asked a question like this? Where’s their hymen? Where’s their proof, except in the answers they give?

It’s rather ironical, isn’t it? That a man can have premarital sex, however, when a woman would agree to this, or be caught in the act of it, she is exposed and sometimes even harmed by family or society? Why is it that a wedding night must have a ‘test of a wife’s virginity’? What about her husband?

It’s almost as if, in this country, we aren’t yet allowed to speak openly about sex and if we do, can only await a fate of judgment or conviction.
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