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All The Single Ladies Are The New Epidemic And Aunties Get Hit Worst

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*For representational purpose only.

Yes, here’s another year added to all the years that have piled up to 29 years of my existence. Being thirty and being single in India means that you now must prepare yourself for the following:

1- A groom - as per your mom/well-wishers, most likely, he will be nearly bald, or maybe a divorcee, and his belts will be wrinkled by the strain of holding it together for him.

2- The Aunty Exam – Brace yourself before attending any weddings or social gathering as a single girl. You are exposed to a high risk of being thronged by aunties who care less about their sagging boobs and undone roots, and more about you being single and running out of time.

They’ll ask you questions like, “Arre beta shaadi kyu nahi karni tumhe?” And if you dare to reply that you’re not ready yet because you’re not yet settled in your career, pat will come another question, “Beta shaadi ke bina koi kabhi settle hua hai bhala?”

3- The Fault in your stars – Suddenly your mum will be approaching every baba and Jyotish she can get hold of. All ten of your fingers will be covered with stones influencing cosmic powers, apparently fighting out all the negative influences and thoughts, which are not letting you walk down the blessed road to the "mandap.” 5- FOMO from heaven – Pfftt! You will wake up to see a day when everyone around you will either be getting married or making babies. It will seem like there is nothing else left for anyone to do anymore.

Where is this heaven where marriages are made in? Which is the closest airport to this heaven?

No matter how hard you try, it is difficult to ignore the pressure. Slowly and steadily, it becomes a part of your system and you learn to live with it. You become a pro at answering all the nonsensical questions being shot at you about being single, from all directions.

Negative thoughts will often come your way.

Maybe what the entire world is saying has some weight. After all, you feel that you have to give some merit to the age-old wisdom of these aunties and uncles, to your philanthropist friends who have recently joined the cult and are desperate to share their happiness with you. So when, even your friends are standing on the other end of the rope, when even your dreams are telling you about the dejected lonely life that you have chosen for yourself, what does one resort to? Here are a few pretty reasonable options:

1. Declare celibacy for life!

2. Start reminding your other unmarried friends about the pacts made long ago (i.e. If we both remain single when we’re thirty-five, then will you be my friend in need?)

3. register yourself on a matchmaking website

4. If you’re okay with doing nothing about the pressure, then write a blog to vent it out. Be sure to keep your identity disclosed

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