All Our Friends Were Jealous Of Us And Then He Went And Did This To Me

Anonymous Anonymous in Single Women Bad Women on 24 August, 2018

I am sorry. I don’t have a flair for writing but I will write my heart out. I met a school friend of mine at a social party organized by another school friend. We hit off immediately after 4 years of passing out from school. In school, we never spoke to each other much; it was just that we knew we were in the same class. I was an introvert back then.

So back to the social party, we exchanged our numbers. Soon enough, we started messaging each other, calling, and then meeting. But I never gathered the courage to meet him alone; I always took a friend with me. Sounds lame, but this is how things worked for me in 2004-2005.

I knew I had fallen for him. I was scared to ask or even breach the topic.

For me, it was love for the first time. I had my many firsts with him – going out for dinners, clubbing, movies with friends, etc. My family is not a conservative family, but it was my fear that always stopped me from asking my parents. He finally gave me the courage to ask my parents for a 31st December party. I was able to persuade them for permission. I was extremely happy, I even shopped for a nice dress with the pocket money.

I clearly remember that evening; he held my hands for the first time to help me put my heels back on. I know it sounds very Bollywood or filmy, but yes, I thought he would ask me out that night. That didn't happen and neither did I gather the courage to ask him.

Days and months passed by, we were getting to know each other better. My parents thought something was brewing between us. My parents had a conversation with me about him and I told them that he was just a friend. I didn't reveal my feeling to my parents.

Somewhere in August, we got talking about our feelings on the phone one midnight, in “ifs and buts and what ifs.”

That was our talking time, which got us into the trouble several times, but we were ready to face it. I got my courage together after 3 days of discussion and told him, “Let's not talk in ifs and buts. I'm telling you that I love you.” There was a sigh on the other side of the phone, and then I asked, “What about you?" To which he said, “Yes.” And this was the start to our love story.

We had a fabulous 5 years of relationship. Our families were involved and we had a head nod from our grandparents also. It was going smooth and fantastic. Our relationship even faced a phase of being a long distance one, but we sailed through the different time zones, and majorly the distance for three months (I know it's not much, but that time it was).

We were the ideal couple among our group of friends, we were envied, but we took it positively and sometimes even with pride.

Then the rough patch hit us, it was in 2010. Being a year older than him and reaching the marriageable age according to our society, my parents started acting up. He couldn't give an official comment then due to the health condition of his father, and he wanted time to gain financial stability to seek my hand from my parents. But my parents were not ready to accept the commitment from his mouth, but they wanted it from his parents.

His parents found it difficult to commit because of the financial instability that they were facing.

I gave in to my parent's pressure and called our relationship off. Apart from my parent's pressure, which was a major factor, his immature behaviour that time made it easy for my parents to convince me and so did my heart. We kept in touch from 2010 to 2012.

In 2012, I got married in an arranged setup, but it was the worst decision of my life.

I went through mental, emotional, and financial abuse. I came out of my then husband's house in 2015. Somehow we got in touch again. He stood by me thick and thin through my contested divorce, which came through in 2016. He helped me go through that tough phase in life, where I switched jobs, dealt with chronic health issues of my mom, and my turbulence divorce. He tried his best, to keep me happy and sane without any demands. But I made him my punching bag to hit out my anger and frustrations and he took it extremely well.

We had become one again through my struggle of getting divorced.

I was scared to acknowledge this completely. I had my set of fears, fears of this having an adverse impact on the legal process, what will the society, families and friends say and moreover, acceptance from our respective families. This made me harsh towards him, fight with him for small things, avoid him, talk bluntly and behave rudely with him, etc. And due to my messed up situation, we went through on and off the relationship.

Post my divorce, I gave it a try but not an honest one. You must be thinking that this lady is a ‘lunatic.’ Four months after my divorce, my parents started seeing guys for me. They got me enrolled at the various matrimonial centres and websites. I gave in again this time because of my mom's health condition was going out of our hands and management. I don't know why and how I felt for this another guy I met through a family friend. I told him about my feelings for this another man. It shattered him.

He had been loyal to me and had feelings for me even when I was married. He didn’t move on.

Two years of horrible marriage, one year of difficult divorce, the situation and my home environment had made me a nut case. I had become an emotionless, impulsive, erratic, and eccentric person. He called off the relationship with me but maintained the friendship. I accepted it very well and was very cheeky and brash with him.

Unfortunately, it took me a while to realize my feelings for him, but now it was late. He said that he didn’t want it anymore because he was scared. And I agree with him and accept his emotions.

He still maintained the friendship and told me that, “If you are able to rebuild that faith and confidence in me, I will come back to you.”

Through this story, I first want to say a sorry to him if he ever comes across this article. I know I can't go back in time and undo things or clear the mess that I have created. I just want to tell people, due to our past relationships or experiences, we mould ourselves to protect us from harm which is a fair thing to do, but we end up harming ourselves because we create irrational fear and misjudge situations and people around us. And true love still exists in this harsh world.

The most important lesson I learned in the past year is that don't let anyone or any situation turn you cruel.

No matter how badly you want to give the world a taste of its own bitter medicine. It's never worth losing yourself over and harming your loved ones. I am done being at war with myself. Being a professional in the field of mental health, I am seeking help to heal myself mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. And peeps, it's ok to ask for help rather than harming yourself.

I just hope things fall into place for us.
Editor's Note:

Share this story because it has a lot to teach us. Don't give in to the situation but instead, learn to fight it.